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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some individuals believe that longer prison term is the best solution in reducing crime. However, some sections of people think and believe of other better options in decreasing crime. This essay agrees that creating awareness program of law and punishment in the society helps reducing crime. Creating awareness and sensitization program in community is the best option in reducing crime. Socialize and letting every single individuals in the community know about the law of the land and how tough and painful punishment would be in committing crime. The recent study by the National Commission of Women & Children found out that after whole Bhutan sensitization program on law of abusing women in the community had dramatically decrease in crime related to women. However, certain sections of people still believe in longer sentence term in the prison the best solution. Putting individuals convicted crime in life imprisonment prevents and reduces crime because the person who convicted to crime once will repeat the same in the future and therefore, sentencing such people in prison for life long will definitely reduce the crime. For instance, Last year, in Bhutan three young men who vandalized and theft numerous religious items were imprisoned for life. Despite this, life imprisonment is not a best solution, the person who convicted to crime should let him learn from the mistakes and correct by having other way of punishment. To conclude, criminals sentencing for longer term in prison may decrease crime in the society, however, there should be some place for person to learn lessons and improve by creating various awareness program in the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
term is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
solution in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and believe of other better options in decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that creating awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
of law and punishment in the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb ‘helps’ is used with an infinitive: “to reduce” or “reduce”.
reducing
crime.

Creating awareness and sensitization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Socialize and letting every single individuals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
know about the law of the land and how tough and painful punishment would be in committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The recent study by the National Commission of Women & Children found out that after whole Bhutan sensitization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
on law of abusing women in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
had
dramatically
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: “decreased”.
decrease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
related to women.

However
, certain sections of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe in longer sentence term in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
solution. Putting individuals convicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
imprisonment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the person who convicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
once will repeat the same in the future and
therefore
, sentencing such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, Last year, in Bhutan three young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who vandalized and theft numerous religious items
were imprisoned
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Despite this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
imprisonment is not
Use “the” with the superlative.
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
solution, the person who convicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him learn from the mistakes and correct by having other way of punishment.

To conclude
, criminals sentencing for longer term in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
may decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the society,
however
, there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place for person to learn lessons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
by creating various awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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