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People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings. What are the importance of these celebrations? Do you think people really spend too much? v.1

People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings. What are the importance of these celebrations? Do you think people really spend too much? v. 1
A growing trend observed in recent times is ostentatious family celebrations, such as birthdays and weddings. In the essay below, I will set out the importance of these family occasions, and explain why I firmly believe that the current generation is spending excessively on these parties. Key occasions such as birthdays and weddings are cause for celebration as they are happy events that bring the family closer. Meeting family members during such occasions, especially if they are regular such as birthday parties, is certain to build familial ties and bonds. In addition, certain family celebrations such as those to honour a recent graduate may also spur and inspire other family members to reach similar heights of achievement. However, in recent times, lavish amounts of money are being spent during these celebrations. In my mind, the extravagance is not warranted, as the sheer amount of money spent detracts from the key reason of having the celebration, which is to enjoy the company of family members, and to share in the joy of the occasion. A typical wedding dinner in my country, Malaysia, is now held in luxurious hotels, and the cost of such dinners goes into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and frequently lands the newly-weds into debt. Guests at the wedding also feel uncomfortable attending such lavish dinners, as they feel obliged to contribute large sums to attend. Some young couples even make the drastic decision to postpone their marriage due to peer pressure to spend similar amounts. Indeed, a family can still enjoy a family celebration for reasonable amounts of money by organising parties such as pot-luck dinners, where all those present will bring a dish to be shared, thereby lessening the burden on the celebrant. Having considered the points above, I believe that family celebrations allow relatives to cherish the important moments in each other’s lives. I do agree that nowadays people spend too much on these occasions. I am firmly in favour of celebrating family occasions only in a modest manner. This would ensure these celebrations would not pose a burden to all present, and would keep the focus on the joyous occasion.
A growing trend observed in recent times is ostentatious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, such as birthdays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
. In the essay below, I will set out the importance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
firmly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation is spending
excessively
on these parties.

Key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
such as birthdays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
are cause for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
as they are happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
closer. Meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members during such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
,
especially
if they are regular such as birthday parties, is certain to build familial ties and bonds.
In addition
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
such as those to
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
a recent graduate may
also
spur and inspire other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to reach similar heights of achievement.

However
, in recent times, lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of money are
being spent
during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. In my mind, the extravagance is not warranted, as the sheer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money spent detracts from the key reason of having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
, which is to enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, and to share in the joy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
. A typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
in my country, Malaysia, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
held in luxurious hotels, and the cost of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinners
goes into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, and
frequently
lands the
newly
-weds into debt. Guests at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
also
feel uncomfortable attending such lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinners
, as they feel obliged to contribute large sums to attend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young couples even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the drastic decision to postpone their marriage due to peer pressure to spend similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
.
Indeed
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
still
enjoy a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
for reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of money by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
parties such as pot-luck
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinners
, where all those present will bring a dish to
be shared
, thereby lessening the burden on the celebrant.

Having considered the points above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
relatives to cherish the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moments in each other’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend too much on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
. I am
firmly
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Consider replacing "in a modest manner" with the adverb for "modest"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a modest manner
. This would ensure these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
would not pose a burden to all present, and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the focus on the joyous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings. What are the importance of these celebrations? Do you think people really spend too much? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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