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People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons for this, and how can people learn more about the natural world? v.1

People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons for this, and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 1
It is true that people do not realize the importance of the natural world. While there are some reasons to explain this lack of knowledge, it can be some ways in which people can enhance their understanding. Firstly, I believe that people do not appreciate the natural world due to the disappearance of traditional life. People tend to go home after heavy workloads and want to alleviate the pressure by laying on the bed instead of going out and contact with the natural world. Moreover, thanks to the advanced technology, most people spend a large time of their day in an office. They sit in front of the computer with the connection of the Internet, which helps them to observe nature. Last but not least, there are few natural festivals held in a year. It has been fallen by the wayside. For example, at times of spring or harvest, which once provided a link to our roots, villagers often celebrate it with the aging populations, while younger generations are interested in an electronic media. However, people can learn the way to realize the value of natural and environmental in several ways. Firstly, younger people are able to participate in voluntary environmental work such as plant the trees, clean the rubbishes on the beaches. For instance, a group of students has challenged individuals to clean the litters in the places they live to protect the environment. After finishing the challenge, they had told to the reporters that people had loved nature then. Secondly, the school can teach students about the natural world by adding environmental science in the curriculum. Finally, nature documentaries should add more on TV and on the Internet which would stimulate a revival of interest in the world around us. In conclusion, although the reasons why individuals do not realize the importance of nature, there are some ways to improve their knowledge in the environment.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not realize the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this lack of knowledge, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enhance their understanding.

Firstly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
due to the disappearance of traditional life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to go home after heavy workloads and want to alleviate the pressure by laying on the bed
instead
of going out and contact with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Moreover
, thanks to the advanced technology, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a large time of their day in an office. They sit in front of the computer with the connection of the Internet, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to observe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
festivals held in a year. It has
been fallen
by the wayside.
For example
, at times of spring or harvest, which once provided a link to our roots, villagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
celebrate it with the aging populations, while younger generations
are interested
in an electronic
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to realize the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
and environmental in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Firstly
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to participate in voluntary environmental work such as plant the trees, clean the rubbishes on the beaches.
For instance
, a group of students has challenged individuals to clean the litters in the places they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to protect the environment. After finishing the challenge, they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to the reporters that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
then.
Secondly
, the school can teach students about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by adding environmental science in the curriculum.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
documentaries should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more on TV and on the Internet which would stimulate a revival of interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around us.

In conclusion
, although the reasons why individuals do not realize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge in the environment.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons for this, and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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