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Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. v. 2
People who argue that smoking should not be prohibited they claim that government generates revenue through this medium. The money incurred from tax payment are used to build hospital, school and construct good roads. Advocates of this group also claim that restaurants and bars depended on tobacco sales as their only source of income and thus if a ban is implemented on such products, the rate of unemployment and robbery would be on the increase. However, there are convincing reasons why I do think that the use of tobacco should not be allowed. Firstly, smoking is harmful. The use of tobacco contains toxic substance such as nicotine which when inhaled has an adverse effect on the health on an individual thus predisposing such persons to conditions like lungcancer and heart problem. For instance, a research survey conducted in Nigeria on the factors involved in the cause of disease indicates that about 70% of illness are caused by exposure to inhalation and exhalation of tobacco products. Secondly, the youths engage most of their time in areas like bars and clubs, where such products are used, thus depriving them to contribute positively to the society. Therefore, government should ban the sales of alcohol in public places, and also increase tax rate on shops or hotels that sell such products. In conclusion, it is my convinced view that the smoking and usage of tobacco should be forbidden because it is dangerous to the health. It also prevents individuals to engage actively to the growth of the community. Therefore, I would suggest that the government should promote awareness of the effects of the use of such productsm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who argue that smoking should not
be prohibited
they claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
generates revenue through this medium. The money incurred from tax payment are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build hospital, school and construct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
roads.

Advocates of this group
also
claim that restaurants and bars depended on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
sales as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of income and
thus
if a ban
is implemented
on such products, the rate of unemployment and robbery would be on the increase.

However
, there are convincing reasons why I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
Firstly
, smoking is harmful. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
contains toxic substance such as nicotine which when inhaled has an adverse effect on the health on an individual
thus
predisposing such persons to conditions like
Possible spelling mistake found.
lungcancer
and heart problem.
For instance
, a research survey conducted in Nigeria on the factors involved in the cause of disease indicates that about 70% of illness
are caused
by exposure to inhalation and exhalation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
products.
Secondly
, the youths engage most of their time in areas like bars and clubs, where such products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
,
thus
depriving them to contribute
positively
to the society.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban the sales of alcohol in public places, and
also
increase tax rate on shops or hotels that sell such products.

In conclusion
, it is my convinced view that the smoking and usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
should
be forbidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the health. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
individuals to engage
actively
to the growth of the community.
Therefore
, I would suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote awareness of the effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
Possible spelling mistake found.
productsm
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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