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Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. v. 1
Thanks to the invention of the Internet, online shopping tends to become one of the most prevalent shopping methods in the modern life. In spite of some clear drawbacks, the benefits of buying things on the Internet are undeniable and considered to be more greater. To begin with, the consumers probably encounter some disadvantages of shopping online. One concern relates to buyers’ frustrating experience which caused by delays in delivery, producing the delays in their scheduled activities. Additionally, it would be a huge waste of time in complaining or processing complicated returns if the quality of products were much different from the advertisements, it eventually does not end in customer’s comfort. Moreover, there is a large risk of fraud when buying things online. One of critical issue is the hacking of bank account used for payments, consequently, causing major financial losses. People also cannot accurately evaluate the danger of personal information leak or identity theft underneath bogus websites during their shopping session. However, the good news is that mentioned problems above can be avoided by choosing to shop with reliable brands or no more accessing in fake platforms. On the other hand, I am more convinced that the advantages offered by online shopping are more considerable than its downsides. Convenience is the best and important factor that makes surfing Internet some time, picking items in cart, ordering them by simple steps become more and more popular. Comparing with traditional shopping habits which people take hours to travel to the local market, the expenditure of time on online shops significantly reduced. What is more, just sitting at home and visiting the online market via the desktop or mobile screen, there is a wide range of product or brand choices around the world recommended to consumers. People can easily search for their favourite things, compare prices and reviews before clicking on the place order button. One more plus point is that the prices from online shops are much more competitive. Coupons, gift codes during sale campaigns and festivals are also interesting benefits which are rarely promoted by local stores. Henceforth, it is confidently concluded that the advantages of online shopping overweights the disadvantages. Nowadays, a shopping method which could open more doors of development is supposed to give shoppers many major benefits.
Thanks to the invention of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
tends to become one of the most prevalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
methods in the modern life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
drawbacks, the benefits of buying things on the Internet are undeniable and considered to be
Use only "greater" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more greater
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the consumers
probably
encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. One concern relates to buyers’ frustrating experience which caused by delays in delivery, producing the delays in their scheduled activities.
Additionally
, it would be a huge waste of time in complaining or processing complicated returns if the quality of products were much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the advertisements, it
eventually
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in customer’s comfort.
Moreover
, there is a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of fraud when buying things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. One of critical issue is the hacking of bank account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for payments,
consequently
, causing major financial losses.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
cannot
accurately
evaluate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of personal information leak or identity theft underneath bogus websites during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
session.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news is that mentioned problems above can
be avoided
by choosing to shop with reliable brands or no more accessing in fake platforms.

On the other hand
, I am more convinced that the advantages offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are more considerable than its downsides. Convenience is the best and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
surfing Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, picking items in cart, ordering them by simple steps become more and more popular. Comparing with traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take hours to travel to the local market, the expenditure of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
What is more
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting at home and visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
market via the desktop or mobile screen, there is a wide range of product or brand choices around the world recommended to consumers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
easily
search for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
things, compare prices and reviews
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
clicking on the place order button. One more plus point is that the prices from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops are much more competitive. Coupons, gift codes during sale campaigns and festivals are
also
interesting benefits which are rarely promoted by local stores.

Henceforth, it is
confidently
concluded that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweights
the disadvantages. Nowadays, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
method which could open more doors of development
is supposed
to give shoppers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Topic: The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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