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TPO20 – Independent: A/D? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. v.1

TPO20 – Independent: A/D? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. v. 1
There are two different schools of thought about lifestyle: Having a safe and calm or a risky way of life. The way I see it, people who take risks can achieve higher success rather than repeating their everyday life methods. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspectives for supporting a risky lifestyle. The ones who dare experience new conditions learn new things that helps them with bringing in much more success. That does not mean that people who do not take risks never become successful. In fact, this means that the more you take risks, the more you gain and the more you succeed. There is a financial economic theory that supports the same idea in the financial market. It states that risky investments offer higher yields, however, it may also cause greater loss. But as the intrepid person faces with several situations of success or failure, he can consider the all aspects when takes risk and abate the negative results of his decision. Furthermore, risk and innovation are mutually dependent to each other and if you want your new business to prosper, you should embrace both. That is to say, risk happens when you do something for the first time that you are not familiar with its results, the same as innovation; and using initiative and starting a new business can end up every side of a coin and can fail or thrive. But facing with new events, the same as what Samsung company did, will result in a better consequences. Samsung company' s motto was to follow and imitate for a while. Then, it changed its manner after some research on the potential markets in the Europe. Now, its creativity and taking risks bring about a huge change for the company' s earnings and profit. Decisively, prosperous people perform new tasks rather than repeating the things that they knew well. In fact, people' s risky operation thrives because they absorb new data and experience new things by taking risks. In addition, creativity and taking risks together provides everyone with success.
There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about lifestyle: Having a safe and calm or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
way of life. The way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
can achieve higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
rather
than repeating their everyday life methods. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspectives for supporting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
lifestyle.

The ones who dare experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
conditions learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them with bringing in much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. That does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
never become successful. In fact, this means that the more you take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, the more you gain and the more you succeed. There is a financial economic theory that supports the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the financial market. It states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
investments offer higher yields,
however
, it may
also
cause greater loss.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as the intrepid person faces with several situations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
or failure, he can consider the all aspects when takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and abate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results of his decision.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and innovation are
mutually
dependent to each other and if you want your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business to prosper, you should embrace both.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
happens when you do something for the
first
time that you are not familiar with its results, the same as innovation; and using initiative and starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up every side of a coin and can fail or thrive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
facing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, the same as what Samsung
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
did, will result in a better consequences. Samsung
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s motto was to follow and imitate for a while. Then, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
its manner after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research on the potential markets in the Europe.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, its creativity and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
bring about a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s earnings and profit.

Decisively
, prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
tasks
rather
than repeating the things that they knew well. In fact,
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risky
operation thrives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
data and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
In addition
, creativity and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
together provides everyone with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay TPO20 – Independent: A/D? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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