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Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 4
Nowadays, modern technology and busier lifestyle changes the types of games usually children love to play. It is believed by some people that older or conventional games are more beneficial than the modern ones whereas others claim the opposite. Personally, I strongly agree with the former statement. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of playing traditional games using the examples of two recent published articles statistics. Firstly, when a teenager or kid usually play traditional games, they have to do some physical activities which further helps to maintain their body healthy. Before arriving modern technology, children used to play different games where the minimal amount of exercise is required except a few types where vigorous exercise is usually required. This habit accelerates the bodies normal metabolism and development. For example, a data published in an international peer-reviewed journal showed that health related problems are less common in rural children than urban ones as they have played traditional games such as football, cricket etc. So, it is conclusively clear that conventional games helps to keep the children fit. Secondly, guardian allows children to play traditional games for recreational purposes or avoiding monotony which boost-up their confidence as well as the communication skills in real life. In contrast, most of the modern games are virtual which has a lot of negative impacts on children. Moreover, these games influence kids to play lots as well as sedentary lifestyle. But the opposite case has happened to traditional games. For instance, a team of USA scientists observed two groups, one loves to play modern games and other team preference goes on traditional games, and the data showed that the latter group has strong communication skills than the former one. So, traditional games are beneficial for children. In conclusion, health benefits as well as the communication skills are normally found from traditional games rather than the modern games. Although, the debate should go on for a long time, traditional games must have a more beneficial impact on children than the modern ones.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology and busier lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that older or conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more beneficial than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
whereas others claim the opposite.
Personally
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
using the examples of two recent published articles statistics.

Firstly
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
or kid
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain their body healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
arriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
where the minimal amount of exercise
is required
except a few types where vigorous exercise is
usually
required. This habit accelerates the bodies normal metabolism and development.
For example
, a data published in an international peer-reviewed journal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that health related problems are less common in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as they have played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as football, cricket etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fit.

Secondly
, guardian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for recreational purposes or avoiding monotony which boost-up their confidence
as well
as the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in real life.
In contrast
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are virtual which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
influence kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
lots
as well
as sedentary lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the opposite case has happened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, a team of USA scientists observed two groups, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and other team preference goes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and the data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the latter group has strong communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than the former one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial for children.

In conclusion
, health benefits
as well
as the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
normally
found from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Although, the debate should go on for a long time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a more beneficial impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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