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Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 2
All of us remember our favourite games, which remain endless sources of joy and happiness. Many games can be on the list, both traditional like chess, cards, various physical activities and modern like computer games. Personally, I honestly agree that traditional games benefit children more, because they make a healthy environment for communication and inspire children to be more creative. Some traditional games are based purely on communication between players, so their main goal is to create a situation to admire each other's company. According to me, it's a brilliant opportunity for children to learn how to behave in the society. As I can recall from my personal experience, my friends and I found it's enjoyable to play an old game called 'hide and seek' and this process definitely created a specific bond between us. The purpose of 'hide and seek' is clear, because if I were alone, I would have never thought of playing such a game. On the contrary, recently developed computer games tend children to stay alone or at least create a lack of communication. In addition to this, another benefit is that a limited amount of traditional games was available without players' own effort. This situation makes children to overcome their personal bounds. To solve the problem two possibilities emerge, to create specific games or to become a guru in a famous game. I always remember how I created a new type of card games called 'fool', which was an unusual accomplishment for me those days. Unfortunately, now many games are developed, which let children only to consume them without a second thought. In conclusion, games can be not only for fun, but they can also influence personalities. Different situation can be inspired by a desire to play, but they all should lead to personal development. Old games with history proved themselves, but new types are not so promising. Hopefully, new suggestions will emerge soon and many useful games will appear.
All of us remember our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which remain endless sources of joy and happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be on the list, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
like chess, cards, various physical activities and modern like computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Personally
, I
honestly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a healthy environment for communication and inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more creative.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are based
purely
on communication between players,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their main goal is to create a situation to admire each other's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, it's a brilliant opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to behave in the society. As I can recall from my personal experience, my friends and I found it's enjoyable to play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
game called '
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
' and this process definitely created a specific bond between us. The purpose of '
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
' is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if I were alone, I would have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of playing such a game.
On the contrary
, recently developed computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay alone or at least create a lack of communication.

In addition
to this, another benefit is that a limited amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was available without players'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
effort. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to overcome their personal bounds. To solve the problem two possibilities emerge, to create specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or to become a guru in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game. I always remember how I created a new type of card
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
called 'fool', which was an unusual accomplishment for me those days. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are developed
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to consume them without a second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
influence personalities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
situation can
be inspired
by a desire to play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they all should lead to personal development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with history proved themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
new types are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
promising.
Hopefully
, new suggestions will emerge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will appear.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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