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Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 3
Nowadays, many children are more known to modern technology games, which is often played via the electronic device, and whereas the traditional ones seem to be disappearing. Some argue that conventional games were more beneficial than modern ones. I believe that children should be involved in playing traditional games, as it provides them with more hands-on rather than sitting in front of the computer screen. To being with, the traditional games have more benefit because it brings the whole family together. For instance, many board games are often played with family members or friends, which gives a sense of connection and creates an opportunity for the growth of family unity. Another classic example is chess, this game has been played throughout history, and it is evident that this has helped to develop the children’s mind and improve their thinking skills. On the other hand, modern games do help some young children in their development, however, it can also pose a risk of addiction. They are many shreds of evidence, which show that children are more prone to electronic games, and can cause long-term health problems for them owing to the long hours sitting in front of the screen. Even though many technology games have bought some benefits to children, who have minimum motor skills. In conclusion, although they are some positive benefits to playing the modernize games, however, they are also risk involves. These games can bring about issues in their health and may interfere with their mental development. Whereas, the traditional games can serve them in their overall development, and equip them with skills when applying in their critical thinking.
Nowadays,
many
children
are more known to modern technology
games
, which is
often
played via the electronic device, and whereas the
traditional
ones seem to be disappearing.
Some
argue that conventional
games
were more beneficial than modern ones. I believe that
children
should
be involved
in playing
traditional
games
, as it provides them with more hands-on
rather
than sitting in front of the computer screen.

To
being
with, the
traditional
games
have more benefit
because
it brings the whole family together.
For instance
,
many
board
games
are
often
played with family members or friends, which gives a sense of connection and creates an opportunity for the growth of family unity. Another classic example is chess, this game has
been played
throughout history, and it is evident that this has
helped
to develop the
children’s
mind and
improve
their thinking
skills
.

On the other hand
, modern
games
do
help
some
young
children
in their development,
however
, it can
also
pose a
risk
of addiction. They are
many
shreds of evidence, which
show
that
children
are more prone to electronic
games
, and can cause long-term health problems for them owing to the long hours sitting in front of the screen.
Even though
many
technology
games
have
bought
some
benefits to
children
, who have minimum motor
skills
.

In conclusion
, although they are
some
positive
benefits to playing
the modernize
games
,
however
, they are
also
risk
involves. These
games
can bring about issues in their health and may interfere with their mental development. Whereas, the
traditional
games
can serve them in their
overall
development, and equip them with
skills
when applying in their critical thinking.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that traditional games had more benefits for children than modern ones. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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