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An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? v.1

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? v. 1
In today’s world, childhood obesity is one of the most pressing problems. The poor eating habits with less nutrition by hooking on to the fast foods and aerated drinks are the main reason for this. In this essay, we can delve into the problems which are associated with obesity in kids and can try to find some preventive solutions. To begin with, with the increase in number of fast food outlets, the people have become more addictive to such food tastes improvised with many preservatives which are more harmful to the health. Children are the main victim of this. They gets easily attracted and convinced. They are becoming obese on these days. Kids tends to eat fatty foods such as chips, fried chicken and guzzling cans of soft drinks while watching tv and playing video games. They have a sedentary lifestyle. As a consequence, they are overweight, unhealthy and unfit to play or do any physical exercise. Another devastating effect is that, the high risk of heart diseases, diabetes which is often found in children below 15 on these days, and cancer, kidney-liver failures due to the over intake of aerated drinks which is found to have dangerous artificial sweeteners. Moreover, one glass of aerated drink can decrease the metabolism twice and also destroys fat burning enzymes. In addition, foods cooked in restaurants are not hygiene always and sometimes owners buy low-quality ingredients which can cause some serious health issues. As a solution to this, people should choose home-cooked meals above the fast foods. Almost all the items prepared at home are cooked with great care. Several measure can be done by parents to control the obese situation. Firstly, parents should encourage their children to eat at home and inculcate the habit of cooking right from the childhood. By providing them healthy food, control what they eat and ensure that they have a healthy diet. For instance, the diet that includes more vegetables and less fat contents. Furthermore, the parents should control the time they spend in front of television, computer and encourage them to do regular exercises. In conclusion, it is true that the obesity have its negative impacts on children and is rising alarmingly. Home cooked meal is not only healthy and hygienic but can be interesting too. One can try making one dish in several by experimenting with ingredients. If we can’t control the opening of these restaurants, we can balance by encouraging young people to be more active, as well as steering them away from fast food outlets and bad eating habits.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, childhood obesity is one of the most pressing problems. The poor eating habits with less nutrition by hooking on to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and aerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are the main reason for this. In this essay, we can delve into the problems which
are associated
with obesity in kids and can try to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, with the increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become more addictive to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
tastes improvised with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
preservatives which are more harmful to the health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the main victim of this. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "get"
gets
easily
attracted and convinced. They are becoming obese on these days.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "kid tends".
Kids tends
to eat fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as chips, fried chicken and guzzling cans of soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
while watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and playing video games. They have a sedentary lifestyle. As a consequence, they are overweight, unhealthy and unfit to play or do any physical exercise. Another devastating effect is that, the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart diseases, diabetes which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
below 15 on these days, and cancer, kidney-liver failures due to the over intake of aerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
which
is found
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
artificial sweeteners.
Moreover
, one glass of aerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
can decrease the metabolism twice and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
burning enzymes.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cooked in restaurants are not hygiene always and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
low-quality ingredients which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health issues.

As a solution to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should choose home-cooked meals above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Almost all the items prepared at home
are cooked
with great care.
Possible agreement error. The noun measure seems to be countable; consider using: "Several measures".
Several measure
can
be done
by parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the obese situation.
Firstly
, parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat at home and inculcate the habit of cooking right from the childhood. By providing them healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
what they eat and ensure that they have a healthy diet.
For instance
, the diet that includes more vegetables and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
contents.
Furthermore
, the parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the time they spend in front of television, computer and encourage them to do regular exercises.

In conclusion
, it is true that the obesity have its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and is rising
alarmingly
. Home cooked meal is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
healthy and hygienic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can be interesting too. One can try making one dish in several by experimenting with ingredients. If we can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the opening of these restaurants, we can balance by encouraging young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be more active,
as well
as steering them away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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