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Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. v. 3
Tourism has no longer been a new but not an outdated issue that the government should take more action to promote and share the image of each nation. There are many answers for the debate on the topic of whether this field of service industry can fill the gap in the cultures of many different countries. From my subjective point of view, I do not think that this opinion is possible and this essay will discuss my standpoint. First of all, mass tourists are usually do not pay attention to the culture of the nation that they visit. Normally, when a tourist is back from a vacation, he or she wishes to tell others and tend to make it up about what he or she has experienced. For example, people who come to Tokyo mainly because they think that it is the capital of Japan. This will not only not fill the gap in cultures, but also spread the wrong facts about one country. In addition, tourists that go for short vacations often go on tour with a tour guide and cannot be proactive to decide what to do or where to go. They mostly pay attention to what they are able to experience like food, popular destinations, events, or clothes. Therefore, when tourists back to their country, their impression may just be wrapped in what everyone has known without going to the place, their memory about the culture of the nation will be very little or even nothing. Although short vacations can not lead to filling the cultural gaps, long- term journey can. Kinds of travel like exchange students, permanently abroad business can help us to have time learning about the customs of other nationalities. However, this type of tourism has not been popularized yet. Businessmen often focus on their work, learning the cultures of where they come as a lesson not an experience. The part that can be able to bridge the culture gaps is overseas students who have to cope with cultural shock when going to another country and take it as an interesting experience. Thus, there are still a lot of troubles in linking the gaps between peoples of different nationalities by developing tourism. In the final analysis, I am in favour of the opinion that tourism can not fill the gaps between peoples of different countries and cultures. Nevertheless, there are still ways to bridge the distance of differences in the regions.
Tourism has no longer been a new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not an outdated issue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take more action to promote and share the image of each nation. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
answers for the debate on the topic of whether this field of service industry can fill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. From my subjective point of view, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this opinion is possible and this essay will discuss my standpoint.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the nation that they visit.
Normally
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
is back from a vacation, he or she wishes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
others and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it up about what he or she has experienced.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Tokyo
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the capital of Japan. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
not fill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
spread the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
facts about one country.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
that go for short vacations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go on tour with a tour guide and cannot be proactive to decide what to do or where to go. They
mostly
pay attention to what they are able to experience like food, popular destinations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, or clothes.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, their impression may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be wrapped
in what everyone has known without going to the place, their memory about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the nation will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or even nothing.

Although short vacations can not lead to filling the cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaps
, long- term journey can. Kinds of travel like exchange students,
permanently
abroad business can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to have time learning about the customs of other nationalities.
However
, this type of tourism has not
been popularized
yet
. Businessmen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focus on their work, learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a lesson not an experience. The part that can be able to bridge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaps
is overseas students who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with cultural shock when going to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and take it as an interesting experience.
Thus
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
troubles in linking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaps
between peoples of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities by developing tourism.

In the final analysis, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the opinion that tourism can not fill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaps
between peoples of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Nevertheless
, there are
still
ways to bridge the distance of differences in the regions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
407 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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