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In many countries, weddings are getting bigger and more expensive than the past. Is this a positive or negative development? v.8

In many countries, weddings are getting bigger and more expensive than the past. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 8
Extravagant destination wedding is one of the items to check from the fantasy list of the affluent. In my opinion, it is a sheer wastage of money, which could be used for the education of the poor and these functions also consume a lot of environmental resources, that contribute to the depletion of the environment. This behaviour should be discouraged, as it has multiple ill-effects. Exorbitant celebrations rip the huge amount of savings apart from the pockets of the host. These 1-2 days functions only provide a little fun, but has no intrinsic value in it, that can uptick the society. The same fund, if donated to the education of needy children, can not only broaden the horizon of the knowledge, but also help them to acquire earning opportunities latter. In India, according to the NSO report, approximately 30% of the kids of the poor do not get the basic level of education. Hence, if that amount is infused in the learning infrastructure, that can increase the literacy rate in the country and also flourish the nation in the long run. In the times of environmental deterioration, the riches have found a new way to exploit the resources of earth by spending highly at celebrations. For example, during a function, a huge amount of electricity is consumed for the decorative purposes, that could be used to provide uninterrupted supply to the villages. Besides, people provide the enormous variety of food items to showcase their standard, which eventually get wasted. All these facilities come with the cost of coal, water, gas and many more elements, which could be consumed for better prospects. In conclusion, it is wise to diverge the money towards social development rather on big-fat receptions, because this development not only can increase the learning and earning chances, but it can also reduce the over exploitation of earth elements. I firmly believe, the high-cost marriage functions are a moribund culture.
Extravagant destination wedding is one of the items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
from the fantasy list of the affluent. In my opinion, it is a sheer wastage of money, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the education of the poor and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
also
consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
environmental resources, that contribute to the depletion of the environment. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be discouraged
, as it has multiple ill-effects.

Exorbitant celebrations rip the huge amount of savings apart from the pockets of the host. These 1-2 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has no intrinsic value in it, that can uptick the society. The same fund, if donated to the education of needy children, can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broaden the horizon of the knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to acquire earning opportunities latter. In India, according to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
NSO
report, approximately 30% of the kids of the poor do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the basic level of education.
Hence
, if that amount
is infused
in the learning infrastructure, that can increase the literacy rate in the country and
also
flourish the nation in the long run.

In the times of environmental deterioration, the riches have found a new way to exploit the resources of earth by spending
highly
at celebrations.
For example
, during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
, a huge amount of electricity
is consumed
for the decorative purposes, that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to provide uninterrupted supply to the villages.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
provide the enormous variety of food items to showcase their standard, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
wasted. All these facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with the cost of coal, water, gas and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more elements, which could
be consumed
for better prospects.

In conclusion
, it is wise to diverge the money towards social development
rather
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
receptions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this development not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can increase the learning and earning chances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the over exploitation of earth elements. I
firmly
believe, the high-cost marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
are a moribund culture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, weddings are getting bigger and more expensive than the past. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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