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Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. v. 2
There has been always a debate on whether international travel can resolve cultural differences between people or not. Although I acknowledge that tourism offers foreign and indigenous people cross-cultural interactions, I believe it to be not really effective in bridging cultural gaps. Firstly, cultural barriers cannot be completely removed within a vacation trip because of the shortage of time. That is, a trip often takes place for 2-3 weeks, and it is impossible for any people to have a deeper understanding about the host country in such a short span of time. Even if they only scratch the surface of the cultures, they need to stay in a place for a couple of days, which rarely occurs as almost trippers want to pay visits to as many landscapes as possible. Secondly, cultural identity might end up disappearing under the influence of tourists' demands. On building travel experiences, a lot of international tourists ask for services that are unrelated to indigenous culture. Sadly, however, many locals have no hesitation to meet their requirements immediately and make a huge profit from these services. As a result, such actions make cultural identity fade away. In Sapa, for example, there have been a number of European restaurants and cafes opened with the aim of satisfying travellers's tastes. Likewise, one of the most popular jobs here is working as a porter and carrying bags for tourists as traditional crafts like doing handicrafts are less profitable. Gradually, in view of tourists' needs, traditional jobs or cultural identity will be superseded by non-indigenous ones. Another point to be considered is tourism might cause damage to tangible cultural heritages and tourist attractions. Let me adduce a proof, in the Temple of Literature in Ha Noi, tourists used to rub stone turtles' heads in the hope of sticking lucky, as a consequence, the stone heads are wearing away. This example, along with other problems such as littering, is typical for bad physical impacts of travel on cultural heritages. To sum up, I think that tourism is not very productive in bridging up cultural gaps due to the shortage of times and some ill-effects it has on things of cultures.
There has been always a debate on whether international travel can resolve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
differences between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or not. Although I acknowledge that tourism offers foreign and indigenous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cross-cultural interactions, I believe it to be not
really
effective in bridging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
gaps.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
barriers cannot be completely removed within a vacation trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortage of time.
That is
, a trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
takes place for 2-3 weeks, and it is impossible for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a deeper understanding about the host country in such a short span of time. Even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scratch the surface of the cultures, they need to stay in a place for a couple of days, which rarely occurs as almost trippers want to pay visits to as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
landscapes as possible.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up disappearing under the influence of tourists' demands. On building travel experiences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
services that
are unrelated
to indigenous culture.
Sadly
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
locals have no hesitation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements immediately and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge profit from these services.
As a result
, such actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity fade away. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sapa
,
for example
, there have been a number of European restaurants and
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
opened with the aim of satisfying
Did you mean "traveller's" or "travellers'"?
travellers's
tastes.
Likewise
, one of the most popular jobs here is working as a porter and carrying bags for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
as traditional crafts like doing handicrafts are less profitable.
Gradually
, in view of tourists' needs, traditional jobs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity will
be superseded
by non-indigenous ones.

Another point to
be considered
is tourism might cause damage to tangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me adduce a proof, in the Temple of Literature in Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to rub stone turtles' heads in the hope of sticking lucky, as a consequence, the stone heads are wearing away. This example, along with other problems such as littering, is typical for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
physical impacts of travel on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritages.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that tourism is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
productive in bridging up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
gaps due to the shortage of times and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ill-effects it has on things of cultures.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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