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Some people claim that there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for a shorter period of time in the workplace and not using electricity / gas once a week. v.1

Some people claim that there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for a shorter period of time in the workplace and not using electricity / gas once a week. v. 1
In today's modern world, non-renewable energy is still an essential part of life. Across the globe, electricity and gas are used by almost every house to big industries. Although I believe that energy wastage should be minimised, I refute that we should simply cut down the use of energy for the essential purposes based on a timetable. The base for my views would be personal and professional. From a professional perspective, electricity and gas are an invaluable resource to run a simple gadget like computers to more complex machines like cranes. For instance, if we plan to switch off electricity at our work area once in a week, definitely a majority of the people will be idle, as most of the companies run based on computers. Moreover, if we try to save the energy when it is really needed, precious time of the employees working on electronic devices will be wasted. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that energy is available during the work hours. We should research and invest in producing better energy source rather than cutting the power for a day in a week. The world has become very competitive and imposing a restriction on the working hours in office would simply reduce the productivity of a country. From a personal point of view, energy is mandatory to charge personal gadgets like mobile phones to stay connected with the world. For example, if there is no power and the battery charge of the mobile phone is almost finishing, then the mobile will be turned off. In addition to that, a switched off smartphone not only cuts off phone calls but also disconnects from social media as there is no internet connectivity. Thus, it is obvious that electricity should not be cut off or reduced based on a time table. In most of the major cities gas is used for cooking, hence not using it for a day would mean that we would need to buy foods from restaurants or fast food shops which are not only expensive but also harmful for health. In conclusion, by analysing how much essential is energy and gas in our day to day life, it is very much important that energy is available when required. As nonrenewable energy is precious, steps need to taken, so that they are not wasted. But not using it is not the proper way.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world, non-renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
still
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
part of life. Across the globe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by almost every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
industries. Although I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
wastage should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
, I refute that we should
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
purposes based on a timetable. The base for my views would be personal and professional.

From a professional perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
are an invaluable resource to run a simple gadget like computers to more complex machines like cranes.
For instance
, if we plan to switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
at our work area once in a week, definitely a majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be idle, as most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
run based on computers.
Moreover
, if we try to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
when it is
really
needed, precious time of the employees working on electronic devices will
be wasted
.
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is available during the work hours. We should research and invest in producing better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source
rather
than cutting the power for a day in a week. The world has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive and imposing a restriction on the working hours in office would
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the productivity of a country.

From a personal point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is mandatory to charge personal gadgets like mobile phones to stay connected with the world.
For example
, if there is no power and the battery charge of the mobile phone is almost finishing, then the mobile will
be turned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
.
In addition
to that, a switched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
smartphone not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
phone calls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disconnects from social media as there is no internet connectivity.
Thus
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
based on a time table. In most of the major cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooking,
hence
not using it for a day would mean that we would need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
foods from restaurants or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food shops which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
harmful for health.

In conclusion
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is available when required. As nonrenewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is precious, steps need to
Did you mean "take"?
taken
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not wasted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
not using it is not the proper way.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people claim that there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for a shorter period of time in the workplace and not using electricity / gas once a week. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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