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Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. v.3

Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. v. 3
In the modern era, time is considered as the most precious commodity. While some people wish to devote their time enhancing their profession while others choose to spend it with their relatives and friends. As far as I am concerned, there are merits and demerits to both opinions as improving your careers helps provide for your family, on the other hand, it might drive you away from your relatives. We will further investigate this below. Firstly, some people are born ambitious and they want to be successful in their professional life, so they thrive to achieve more success which benefits their families as they are able to provide them with better quality life. For instance, a research conducted in the US suggests that children's who studying in top private schools have higher IQ and are more confident than the pupil studying in public schools. Secondly, individuals who strive to improve their careers are actually helping their employers and companies their work for to be more successful. For example, in healthcare, there are many employees in research and development departments who have helped their companies develop, test and launch different life-saving drugs thus, enabling their companies to be successful. On the contrary, some people are too busy in their work and are unable to give quality time to their families and friends which might alienate them. An illustration of this would be, research conducted in the UK suggests that children whose parents are more involved in their life, live a happier and healthier life then children's without parents or if their parents are unable to give them time. In conclusion, many people may disagree with me; it appears that both profession and relatives are important parts of an individual's life. Hence, a balance has to be struck in order to be maintained and become successful in both of these relations.
In the modern era, time
is considered
as the most precious commodity. While
some
people
wish to devote their time enhancing their profession while others choose to spend it with their relatives and friends. As far as I
am concerned
, there are merits and demerits to both opinions as improving your careers
helps
provide for your family,
on the other hand
, it might drive you away from your relatives. We will
further
investigate this below.

Firstly
,
some
people
are born
ambitious and
they want to be successful in their professional
life
,
so
they thrive to achieve more success which benefits their families as they are able to provide them with better quality
life
.
For instance
,
a research
conducted in the US suggests that children's who studying in top private schools have higher IQ and are more confident than the pupil studying in public schools.

Secondly
, individuals who strive to
improve
their careers are actually helping their employers and
companies
their work for to be more successful.
For example
, in healthcare, there are
many
employees in research and development departments who have
helped
their
companies
develop,
test
and launch
different
life-saving drugs
thus
, enabling their
companies
to be successful.

On the contrary
,
some
people
are too busy in their work and are unable to give quality time to their families and friends which might alienate them. An illustration of this would be, research conducted in the UK suggests that children whose parents are more involved in their
life
,
live
a happier and healthier
life
then children's without parents or if their parents are unable to give them time.

In conclusion
,
many
people
may disagree with me; it appears that both profession and relatives are
important
parts of an individual's
life
.
Hence
, a balance
has to
be struck
in order to
be maintained
and become successful in both of these relations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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