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As well as making money business should also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree. v.2

As well as making money business should also have social responsibilities. v. 2
In the contemporary world, all the corporate companies and organizations are keen towards making profits in their businesses. Besides this, they should posses social responsibilities. I am in concord with this notion. To begin with, the multinational companies are striving to make colossal benefits. In addition to it, they should be accountable for the development of the society. For instance, a pharmaceutical company shouldn't focus only on benefits, but also the healthcare of the people. Furthermore, if an organization doesn't have social ethics in their business it will lose its reputation soon which will may lead to their downfall. Government should take stringent action when the society is exploited. Hence corporate should adhere to social morality to thrive in their fields. On the flip side, the industries and enterprises should concentrate on the community well being along with the gains. For example, the smoke emitted from the factories and vehicles causes grave effects such as air pollution and health disorders. Considering all the impacts the firms should act responsibly. Preventive manoeuvres should be implemented to ensure less effect on the environment and the people. Do you think business is only for generating profits? Absolutely not. If a company aims only about monetary benefits, then it is impossible to withstand in the job market. In conclusion, the firms should follow the ethical standards in generating money. I opine that having social responsibility can aid a company to sustain long in the current phenomenon. Being socially accountable should be considered as important as making profits in business.
In the contemporary world, all the corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and organizations are keen towards making profits in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
Besides
this, they
The word 'posses' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should posses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities. I am in concord with this notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
colossal benefits.
In addition
to it, they should be accountable for the development of the society.
For instance
, a pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
shouldn't focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the healthcare of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, if an organization doesn't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
ethics in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
it will lose its reputation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
which will may lead to their downfall.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take stringent action when the society
is exploited
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
corporate should adhere to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
morality to thrive in their fields.

On the flip side, the industries and enterprises should concentrate on the community
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
along with the gains.
For example
, the smoke emitted from the factories and vehicles causes grave effects such as air pollution and health disorders. Considering all the impacts the firms should act
responsibly
. Preventive
Possible spelling mistake. 'manoeuvres' is British English.
manoeuvres
should
be implemented
to ensure less effect on the environment and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for generating profits?
Absolutely
not. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
aims
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about monetary benefits, then it is impossible to withstand in the job market.

In conclusion
, the firms should follow the ethical standards in generating money. I opine that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility can aid a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to sustain long in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
phenomenon. Being
socially
accountable should
be considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as making profits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay As well as making money business should also have social responsibilities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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