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Some people claim that goverments should be responsible for taking care of the essential needs of the elderly, while others argue that it should be the elderly that should do so. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people claim that goverments should be responsible for taking care of the essential needs of the elderly, while others argue that it should be the elderly that should do so. v. 1
Some people suggest that governments have the duty to help the elderly, whereas others argue that old people should do it themselves. In my opinion, the state should be responsible for this task, regardless of being a pensioner. On the one hand, all citizens pay a lot of money as taxes to their own government, whether directly or indirectly. Some of them pay a higher income tax because they earn more money, but in fact all products and services are already taxed. Whether we work or not, we contribute to the financial system of our country. Because of this, we all deserve to be cared in old age. Some may be paid a bigger pension because of their former career, but at least the essential needs of the rest should be met by the state. On the other hand, the average lifespan of human beings is growing at an increasingly fast rate. Advances in healthcare and nutrition allow us to live much longer. But, this poses a threat to the government budget. In the past, the proportion of pensioners and the elderly made up a tiny part of the population even in developed nations. But, today, especially in rich European countries, they make up more than 30% of the total. It seems that the percentage of the working members will be lower than the rest. Such a system is not sustainable in the long run. So, in the future, all the elderly may have to take care of themselves. In my opinion, governments should have the responsibility to look after the elderly. If taxpayers will be ignored when they need help the most, then there is no point in contributing to the state budget. It is illogical and unfair to support a system that will eventually ditch you. Yet, I also think that everybody should save some money for the future. In a few decades, it will not be possible for all governments to provide a decent pension. In conclusion, not all people agree about the role of governments in helping the elderly. But, I believe that both parties play a cruical role in this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have the duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
, whereas others argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do it themselves. In my opinion, the state should be responsible for this task, regardless of being a pensioner.

On the one hand, all citizens pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money as taxes to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, whether
directly
or
indirectly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them pay a higher income tax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact all products and services are already taxed. Whether we work or not, we contribute to the financial system of our country.
Because of this
, we all deserve to
be cared
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
be paid
a bigger pension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their former career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at least the essential needs of the rest should
be met
by the state.

On the other hand
, the average lifespan of human beings is growing at an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rate. Advances in healthcare and nutrition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
much longer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this poses a threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget. In the past, the proportion of pensioners and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
made up a tiny part of the population even in developed nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
especially
in rich European countries, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up more than 30% of the total. It seems that the percentage of the working members will be lower than the rest. Such a system is not sustainable in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in the future, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of themselves.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should have the responsibility to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. If taxpayers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
when they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the most, then there is no point in contributing to the state budget. It is illogical and unfair to support a system that will
eventually
ditch you.
Yet
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everybody should save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for the future. In a few decades, it will not be possible for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to provide a decent pension.

In conclusion
, not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
about the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe that both parties play a
Possible spelling mistake found.
cruical
role in this issue.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that goverments should be responsible for taking care of the essential needs of the elderly, while others argue that it should be the elderly that should do so. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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