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Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v.3

Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 3
Nowadays, companies provide numerous packages for tourists to visit a place, which is far from their homeland, as it rejuvenates them. While increased tourism boosts the economy of the nation, however, it produces damage to the local environment. For local people, it is a sign of positive development because, with the increase in the number of tourists in any country, the economy of that nation improves. There is, not only, increase in the number of jobs but also, provide a better lifestyle to the residents. For instance, Bali is one of the beautiful nations in the world and its economy entirely depends upon the tourism sector. If the tourism sector collapse, consequently the economy of the country also clashes. Hence, an increase in organized tours to any remote place benefits the native people. Besides, the advantages of tourism for the residents, it produces damage to the regional environment. When travelers visit any place, they throw their waste here and there, thus creates pollution at that place. The pollution pollutes the land as well as water resources, which are necessary for anyone to survive. For example, a recent survey conducted by Cambridge University showed that an increase in the number of tourists at any place causes a rise in temperature there. Also, it harms the local wildlife. Furthermore, with an increase in tourism, people would cut more trees to build hotels and restaurants. To conclude, organized tours at any place help in improving the economy, but at the cost of the environment. In my opinion, tourism to a remote community should increase at a certain level where it does not produce any harm to the environment.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide numerous packages for tourists to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, which is far from their homeland, as it rejuvenates them. While increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
boosts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of the nation,
however
, it produces damage to the local environment.

For local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of tourists in any country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of that nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
. There is, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, provide a better lifestyle to the residents.
For instance
, Bali is one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
nations in the world and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
entirely
depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sector collapse,
consequently
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of the country
also
clashes.
Hence
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in organized tours to any remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
benefits the native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Besides
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
for the residents, it produces damage to the regional environment. When travelers visit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, they throw their waste here and there,
thus
creates pollution at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. The pollution pollutes the land
as well
as water resources, which are necessary for anyone to survive.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by Cambridge University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of tourists at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
causes a rise in temperature there.
Also
, it harms the local wildlife.
Furthermore
, with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
more trees to build hotels and restaurants.

To conclude
, organized tours at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the cost of the environment. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
to a remote community should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
at a certain level where it does not produce any harm to the environment.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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