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Some people claim that children should be taught how to handle money and finances at school. Others, however, think that it should be a matter for families and not education. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words v.1

Some people claim that children should be taught how to handle money and finances at school. Others, however, think that it should be a matter for families and not education. v. 1
When considering school curriculum, people are still divided about whether money management should be taught or not because it is not education’s responsibility. While there are benefits for the disapproving opinion, I would argue that it is better to let children finacially navigate their real world. The viewpoint that parents’ teaching children how to handle money and finances in lieu of school is understandable for several reasons. First, it is obvious that many young people lack the experience to control their own finances, so their families would be an ideal model for them learn and imitate. Thus, it is crucial that parents use financial problems and tight budgets to address finances and to teach children how to manage their money at the dinner table. Teenage children will also earn a weekly or monthly allowance in budget preparation. Secondly, school curriculum are plenty of academic subjects which requires strenuous effort and full- time concentration; therefore, it is unnecessary for teachers at school to teach students the right way to control the budgets. For example, skills for money management seems to be overlooked if it is added to the current study program which focus on main courses such as math, literature and English. Although it is a valid point, on the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to be acknowledged of financial orientation at school because the following rationales. Firstly, children will possibly learn the meaning of financial responsibility through the integrated lessons. For example, moral subject, there are stories that mention characters with insatiable appetite for money, in this way, students can earn the life lesson and reflect themselves to behave well. Or, math period is a case in this point, they are taught to calculate their money and use it appropriately. Secondly, money management should be taught at school as opposed to at home, because today parents are not assured in their ability to teach financial literacy to their children. Many parents themselves haven't ever learned important financial values much less to teach children how to use their budget properly; to make the matter worse, bad financial habits may be passed on to their children. In addition, learning money management at school is methodically built so that it is more reliable for students to acquire and to be able to adapt into the real life. For the aforementioned above, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in the future if they are taught they way to handle money and financial at school rather than in the family.
When considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
divided about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be taught
or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not education’s responsibility. While there are benefits for the disapproving opinion, I would argue that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
finacially
navigate their real world.

The viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and finances in lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is understandable for several reasons.
First
, it is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lack the experience to control their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their families would be an ideal model for them learn and imitate.
Thus
, it is crucial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
problems and tight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
to address finances and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at the dinner table. Teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
also
earn a weekly or monthly allowance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
preparation.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of academic subjects which requires strenuous effort and full- time concentration;
therefore
, it is unnecessary for teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the right way to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
seems to
be overlooked
if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
study program which focus on main courses such as math, literature and English.

Although it is a valid point,
on the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be acknowledged
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
orientation at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the following rationales.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
possibly
learn the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
responsibility through the integrated lessons.
For example
, moral subject, there are stories that mention characters with insatiable appetite for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, in this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can earn the life lesson and reflect themselves to behave well. Or, math period is a case in this point, they
are taught
to calculate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
appropriately
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
should
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as opposed to at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not assured in their ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
literacy to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
themselves haven't ever learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
values much less to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
properly
; to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the matter worse,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
habits may
be passed
on to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
methodically
built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is more reliable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to acquire and to be able to adapt into the real life.

For the aforementioned above, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to be successful in the future if they
are taught
they way to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than in the family.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that children should be taught how to handle money and finances at school. Others, however, think that it should be a matter for families and not education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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