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It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.4

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience. v. 4
Undoubtedly, the relationship between families are becoming fragile. The are lots of reasons, but the foremost reason is modernization, which breaks the family ties. This essay will discuss the cause behind it and how we can bring back near one's together. To embark on, bygone is the era when families used to sit together and having a meal. For example, earlier time people used to sit together at night and have their meal and tell what happened all day to each other. But with drift in the society hardly people can't get a chance to have a meal at the same time and talk. Another factor is competition in the world has made them apart from their near and dear one. For instance, for good living and for better future prospect everyone is moving out of their house to a new city or country. Thus, leaving the elders alone at the back, which lead to the breakdown of the family bond. Lastly, nobody wants to adjust or compromise which make it more difficult to live in same place. For example, earlier everyone sleeps in the same room, but nowadays everyone, even a kid needs their own personal space which ultimately breaks the tie of the relation. Hence, sitting together, living in the same house or willing to adjust is nowhere present in any house these days thus people living apart from each other. To solve this problem one need to compromise a little bit whether its parents or children. It's good to have a better future, but maintaining relations is also must because nobody can understand you better than your family. Therefore, there is must create balance family and the career. To conclude, people move out, don't eat at the same table and take their own decision is good until you are giving the same importance to your family. As the saying goes if you give respect you get respect.
Undoubtedly
, the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are becoming fragile.
Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
The are
lots of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the foremost reason is modernization, which breaks the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties. This essay will discuss the cause behind it and how we can bring back near one's together.

To embark on, bygone is the era when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sit together and having a meal.
For example
, earlier time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sit together at night and have their meal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
what happened all day to each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with drift in the society hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to have a meal at the same time and talk. Another factor is competition in the world has made them apart from their near and dear one.
For instance
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living and for better future prospect everyone is moving out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to a new city or country.
Thus
, leaving the elders alone at the back, which lead to the breakdown of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond.
Lastly
, nobody wants to adjust or compromise which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in same place.
For example
, earlier everyone sleeps in the same room,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays everyone, even a kid needs their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal space which
ultimately
breaks the tie of the relation.

Hence
, sitting together, living in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or willing to adjust is nowhere present in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
these days
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living apart from each other.

To solve this problem one need to compromise a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
whether its parents or children. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a better future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
maintaining relations is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody can understand you better than your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the career.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out, don't eat at the same table and take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
until you are giving the same importance to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. As the saying goes if you give respect you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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