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Nowadays young people lack an understanding of how to manage their finances after they finish high school. Explain why they do not know how to manage money and how this can be changed. v.1

Nowadays young people lack an understanding of how to manage their finances after they finish high school. Explain why they do not know how to manage money and how this can be changed. v. 1
In the recent years, young people have become less aware about the ways they may follow to manage their financial life when they finish their education and start their career life. In this essay, I will highlight some reasons for this issue, and I will mention how it could be tackled. To begin with, it is undeniable that the youth lack the sufficient experience that can enable them to appropriately manage their monetary life. In addition, because their parents and school teachers do not usually teach them the importance of saving money, young people usually are not aware that it is a must for any successful person to cut a part from salary and save it. Moreover, people in this small age are usually tempted to buy many things that are not necessary, just to mimic their peers or to feel valued among the society. This leads them to expend much money instead of make some savings. Even though both parents and teachers can participate in resolving this issue by increasing the awareness of young people to know about the importance of savings, parents should play the greater role to tackle this problem, as they can take real steps at a very early age of their children to teach them how to use their money in an efficient way. For example, they can teach them to cut a part from their money every day or every month to save it, and use it afterwards to buy a precious thing. In this way, children will learn that saving money has benefits on the long term, and thus they would overlook buying some unnecessary products to exploit this money in more advantageous things, such as buying a home or a car. In conclusion, young people usually do not have enough experience to deal with their financial issues because they are not taught by their teachers and parents to how to do so. To change this situation, both parents and teachers have the responsibility to teach them dealing with such issues.
In the recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become less aware about the ways they may follow to manage their financial life when they finish their education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career life. In this essay, I will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, and I will mention how it could
be tackled
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that the youth lack the sufficient experience that can enable them to
appropriately
manage their monetary life.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them the importance of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
are not aware that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any successful person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a part from salary and save it.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
tempted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that are not necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to mimic their peers or to feel valued among the society. This leads them to expend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savings.

Even though
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can participate in resolving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
by increasing the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about the importance of savings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should play the greater role to tackle this problem, as they can take real steps at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age of their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in an efficient way" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient way
.
For example
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a part from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every day or every month to save it, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it afterwards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a precious thing. In this way, children will learn that saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has benefits on the long term, and
thus
they would overlook buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unnecessary products to exploit this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in more advantageous things, such as buying a home or a car.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience to deal with their financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not taught by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to how to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this situation, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them dealing with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Nowadays young people lack an understanding of how to manage their finances after they finish high school. Explain why they do not know how to manage money and how this can be changed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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