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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v.1

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 1
It is true that, in some nations, the average weight of the people is in an increment state along with that their fitness levels are in a decrement state. This essay will analyse the roots of this issue and recommend solutions to them. The leading cause of this is the over consumption of unhealthy foods. People these days eat a lot of junk foods and foods from fast-food restaurants. These foods contain a high level of cholesterol, sugar and preservatives which are responsible for the increment in obesity and related diseases. In order to tackle this, the government should impose a policy of taxing rubble foods and subsidizing organic ones. The main reason people rely on rubble foods is the convenience and affordability of them. If this policy is implemented, this will encourage a lot of people to choose healthier foods over the unhealthy ones. Another major reason is the sedentary lifestyles of people. People do not have laborious working hours these days as it has been replaced by highly technology machines such as washing machines, dishwashers, etc. As a result, people are less likely to burn enough calories to achieve a sustainable healthy weight which undoubtedly results in obesity. The solution to this issue can be resolved if the government establishes enough public parks, sports centre. This will help people to take part in activities that will help to burn out calories and maintain a healthy body weight. To conclude, the current health crisis is caused by the unhealthy way of people where they consume a lot of debris foods and ignore to exercise. This can be solved by taxing rubbish foods and subsidising organic ones along with establishing places where people can exercise.
It is true that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, the average weight of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is in an increment state along with that their fitness levels are in a decrement state. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the roots of this issue and recommend solutions to them.

The leading cause of this is the over consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain a high level of cholesterol, sugar and preservatives which are responsible for the increment in obesity and related diseases. In order to tackle this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose a policy of taxing rubble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and subsidizing organic ones. The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on rubble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is the convenience and affordability of them. If this policy
is implemented
, this will encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
over the unhealthy ones.

Another major reason is the sedentary lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not have laborious working hours these days as it has
been replaced
by
highly
technology machines such as washing machines, dishwashers, etc.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less likely to burn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
calories to achieve a sustainable healthy weight which
undoubtedly
results in obesity. The solution to this issue can
be resolved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
establishes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
public parks, sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in activities that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to burn out calories and maintain a healthy body weight.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
health crisis
is caused
by the unhealthy way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where they consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debris
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
to exercise. This can
be solved
by taxing rubbish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('subsidise' and 'subsidize') within a single text.
subsidising
organic ones along with establishing places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can exercise.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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