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It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience.

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience. v. 5
It is usually acknowledged that families are not as near as they used to be. This essay states that the reason for such change is because of better employment opportunities and to bring family back together government should provide facilities and chance to people in their hometown. One of the main reasons people are not close these days is because of the better opportunities which they get from other countries. In other words, many people migrate to Australia, Canada because these nations provide better job opportunities, lifestyles and other facilities such as free health care which they do get in their home country. For example: The University of Toronto recently stated that approximately 40% young generations are migrating from India to Canada because the country provides better facilities such as employment opportunities, free medical and so on. To bring the family closer, government should take the responsibility in providing better chance in terms of employment and amenities in their hometown. These things often retain young generations in migrating to other nations or cities in search of a work. The government should also ensure that every person in the state gets suitable jobs as per their ability and experience. For instance, The Sunday Times recently asked a number of people if they would migrate to other nations or cities if the government provides better job opportunities and facilities in their home town and 55% said no, they would not migrate. In conclusion, families are not close enough because they find better chance in terms of employment and lifestyle and to bring families closely the regime should provide a greater degree of amenities and opportunities to individuals in their home town.
It is
usually
acknowledged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not as near as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. This essay states that the reason for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
back together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities and chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their hometown.

One of the main reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not close these days is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to Australia, Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, lifestyles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities such as free health care which they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in their home country.
For example
: The University of Toronto recently stated that approximately 40% young generations are migrating from India to Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, free medical and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
closer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the responsibility in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and amenities in their hometown. These things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
retain young generations in migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations or cities in search of a work. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
ensure that every person in the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
suitable jobs as per their ability and experience.
For instance
, The Sunday Times recently asked a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they would migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations or cities if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and facilities in their home town and 55% said no, they would not migrate.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not close
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and lifestyle and to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
closely
the regime should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a greater degree of amenities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to individuals in their home town.
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If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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