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Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v.9

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v. 9
People generally believe that vegetarianism has both health and environmental benefits. I do agree with this view, but I do not think that vegetarianism is for everyone. Animal consumption indeed has both health and environment consequences. For instance, a pound of meat takes twice the amount of natural resources to produce when compared to vegetables. Also, animals have to be raised and butchered to obtain the product. This process is not only cruel but also generated huge amounts of greenhouse gases. Additionally, farmed animals are injected with growth hormones and steroids to increase their yield and when consumed, it causes unwanted body ailments. For these reasons, switching to vegetarianism and cutting down on meat consumption will benefit the whole world. However, on the other hand, vegetables cannot be grown in extreme climate regions. For people who live in these regions, they tend to depend on animal products. Additionally, vegetables wouldn't be able to provide enough calories and fat to survive the harsh climatic conditions. For example, people who live in the arctic region tend to consume more fatty food as their bodies need this fat to generate heat to maintain metabolism. Even if vegetables are available in those regions, people prefer to eat meat as vegetable does not contain enough fat to stay healthy. Moreover, culture also plays an important role in the consumption of animal products. For instance, middle eastern dishes use beef as their main ingredient, and it would not be complete without the beef. To conclude, even though there are advantages of being a vegetarian. I believe that this food is not for everyone. However, in my opinion, people should try to consume food that uses less natural resources. This way an effort can be made to improve the health and reduce the greenhouse emissions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
generally
believe that vegetarianism has both health and environmental benefits. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that vegetarianism is for everyone.

Animal consumption
indeed
has both health and environment consequences.
For instance
, a pound of meat takes twice the amount of natural resources to produce when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be raised
and butchered to obtain the product. This process is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cruel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generated huge amounts of greenhouse gases.
Additionally
, farmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are injected
with growth hormones and steroids to increase their yield and when consumed, it causes unwanted body ailments. For these reasons, switching to vegetarianism and cutting down on meat consumption will benefit the whole world.

However
,
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
cannot
be grown
in extreme climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
, they tend to depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
wouldn't be able to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
to survive the harsh climatic conditions.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the arctic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
tend to consume more fatty food as their bodies need this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
to generate heat to maintain metabolism. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
are available in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to eat meat as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable
does not contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
to stay healthy.
Moreover
, culture
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products.
For instance
, middle eastern dishes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
beef as their main ingredient, and it would not be complete without the beef.

To conclude
,
even though
there are advantages of being a vegetarian. I believe that this food is not for everyone.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to consume food that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
less natural resources. This way an effort can
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the greenhouse
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
emissions
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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