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Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v. 2
The number of vegetarian in a community may depend on various factors, for example the traditions of the country, the wealth of the country, the religion or the age group. Therefore, the reasons why people choose to exclude meat and fish from their diet may also vary. Some people become vegetarian because they believe that this will benefit their health. Undoubtedly, eating too much meat, especially too much red meat, is not to be recommended. Moreover, the fact that there are healthy populations in some parts of the world where no one eats meat proves that it is not, as some people claim, an essential part of the human diet. However, it is important to ensure that enough protein, for example, is included in the diet from other sources. Where vegetarianism is not a tradition, this may require some careful planning. In my experience, it is quite common for people to become vegetarians because they feel that it is selfish to eat meat or because meat production increases global warming. They may also feel that if no one ate meat, there would be no food shortage, because meat production uses up food resources. This idealistic point of view is very attractive, but it is hard to judge whether it is in fact correct. In some families, if a teenager decides to become a vegetarian, they may do so partly out of a spirit of rebellion, because this behaviour can be interpreted as a criticism of their parents’ way of life. However, provided that they continue to eat healthily, the parents should not raise objections, in my opinion. Vegetarianism is a valid choice in life. Moreover, research shows that vegetarians tend to be healthier in many ways than meat-eaters. Personally, I think that being a vegetarian is a good idea in principle as there are proven health benefits and probably social benefits as well. However, it does not suit everybody, and I doubt whether it will ever be a universal choice.
The number of vegetarian in a community may depend on various factors,
for example
the traditions of the country, the wealth of the country, the religion or the age group.
Therefore
, the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish from their diet may
also
vary.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become vegetarian
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that this will benefit their health.
Undoubtedly
, eating too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
,
especially
too much red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, is not to
be recommended
.
Moreover
, the fact that there are healthy populations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world where no one eats
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
proves that it is not, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim, an essential part of the human diet.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
protein,
for example
,
is included
in the diet from other sources. Where vegetarianism is not a tradition, this may require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
careful planning.

In my experience, it is quite common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become vegetarians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that it is selfish to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
production increases global warming. They may
also
feel that if no one ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, there would be no food shortage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
up food resources. This idealistic point of view is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to judge whether it is in fact correct.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
decides to become a vegetarian, they may do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
partly out of a spirit of rebellion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can
be interpreted
as a criticism of their parents’ way of life.
However
, provided that they continue to eat
healthily
, the parents should not raise objections, in my opinion. Vegetarianism is a valid choice in life.
Moreover
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that vegetarians tend to be healthier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways than meat-eaters.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being a vegetarian is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in principle as there
are proven
health benefits and
probably
social benefits
as well
.
However
, it does not suit everybody, and I doubt whether it will ever be a universal choice.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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