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Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v.10

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v. 10
Some people believe that it is essential to abstain from eating meat and fish to protect our health and furthermore, ensure the world's environment is kept safe. Although I agree that it is unwise to eat excessive amounts of animal flesh, nature has its rules which cannot be changed by people’s eating habits. In my opinion the disadvantage of vegetarianism is this, important proteins we need to maintain our overall health are not found in vegetables or fruits alone. Therefore, necessary proteins, also safe fats and oils, are only contained in, as examples, namely, beef, pork and oily sea-fish. Besides, nowadays most edible meat comes from domestic livestock reared exclusively to provide food for people, so it does not affect the balance of nature. The natural food chain will not face harm because of our normal diet. However, looking at this matter from another point of view, it is reasonable for us firstly, to ration our consumption of food obtained from animals. It is a well-known fact, eating less meat and more vegetables are beneficial to our health. We can get balanced nutrition from different varieties of cuisine. Of course, we must consider some people kill precious species for high sums of money, for instance to satisfy the needs for certain mixtures of traditional medicines as well as for dinner tables. If more people want to eat rare mammals and sea-life, then these creatures would face the risk of extinction, if that were to happen, there may well be a chain reaction which could result in serious damage to environments around the world. In conclusion, my opinion is this, we do not need to refuse animal or seafood, but reduce and alter our diets. Eating them within a limit is the best way to improve our own welfare and protect the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is essential to abstain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
meat and fish to protect our health and
furthermore
, ensure the world's environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
safe. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is unwise to eat excessive amounts of animal flesh, nature has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits.

In my opinion the disadvantage of vegetarianism is this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
proteins we need to maintain our
overall
health are not found in vegetables or fruits alone.
Therefore
, necessary proteins,
also
safe fats and oils, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contained in, as examples,
namely
, beef, pork and oily sea-fish.
Besides
, nowadays most edible meat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from domestic livestock reared exclusively to provide food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it does not affect the balance of nature. The natural food chain will not face harm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our normal diet.

However
, looking at this matter from another point of view, it is reasonable for us
firstly
, to ration our consumption of food obtained from animals. It is a well-known fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
less meat and more vegetables are beneficial to our health. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
balanced nutrition from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of cuisine.
Of course
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill precious species for high sums of money,
for instance
to satisfy the needs for certain mixtures of traditional medicines
as well
as for dinner tables. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to eat rare mammals and sea-life, then these creatures would face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction, if that were to happen, there may well be a chain reaction which could result in serious damage to environments around the world.

In conclusion
, my opinion is this, we do not need to refuse animal or seafood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and alter our diets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
them within a limit is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
welfare and protect the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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