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Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.7

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 7
It is undeniable the major purpose of school is to prepare students with academic knowledge, yet, many people argue that the curriculum should adjust to an enjoyable experience. I firmly agree that the teaching methods can add in some entertaining elements to. In this essay, studies of University of Italy and University of Taiwan will be used to prove my argument. The learning materials from school can be hard and boring for some of the students, especially mathematics and science subjects. Game-based on teachings assist the educators to deliver a memorable lesson, which is also beneficial for children’s learning outcome. This means combines the traditional teaching with games or activities that are enjoyable to students. An experiment done by University of Italy found that combine the learning material with games helps the children to absorb the knowledge and achieve higher math performance scores compared with those who are taught with traditional memorizing methods. Therefore, game based teaching is not only fun, but also a very effective way to promote academically. One the other hand, subjects such as music, art and PE are associate with refreshing young learners’ mind and improve concentration level. This means additional entertaining courses in-between hard subjects like physics or chemistry is good for students to focus on study. For instance, a study from University of Taiwan indicates that after musical class, the youngsters are more focus on their math test and outperform those control subjects. Consequently, entertaining subjects are crucial for pupils as well as other subjects. To conclude, education institutions should not solely aim on academics, while relaxing courses are vital for students for a balance results.
It is undeniable the major purpose of school is to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with academic knowledge,
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the curriculum should adjust to an enjoyable experience. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertaining elements to. In this essay, studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Italy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Taiwan will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prove my argument.

The learning materials from school can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and boring for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
mathematics and science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Game-based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachings
assist the educators to deliver a memorable lesson, which is
also
beneficial for children’s learning outcome. This means combines the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
with games or activities that are enjoyable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. An experiment done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Italy found that combine the learning material with games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the children to absorb the knowledge and achieve higher math performance scores compared with those who
are taught
with traditional memorizing methods.
Therefore
, game based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to promote
academically
.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as music, art and PE are associate with refreshing young learners’ mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
concentration level. This means additional entertaining courses in-between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like physics or chemistry is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on study.
For instance
, a study from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Taiwan indicates that after musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, the youngsters are more focus on their math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and outperform those control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Consequently
, entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are crucial for pupils
as well
as other subjects.

To conclude
, education institutions should not
solely
The usual collocation for "aim" is "at" not "on". Did you mean "aim at"?
aim on
academics, while relaxing courses are vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for a balance results.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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