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Some people choose to eat no fish or meat. They believe that this is not better for your own health but also benefits the world as whole. Discuss these view and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people choose to eat no fish or meat. They believe that this is not better for your own health but also benefits the world as whole. Discuss these view and give your own opinion. v. 2
A healthy diet plays a very important role in keeping people healthy. Some people argue that fish and meat should not be eaten for their own benefit as well as for the benefit of the world. I agree with this argument considering the advantages of a vegetarian diet. To begin with, vegetable and fruits are a great source of vitamin and minerals that are essential for keeping us healthy. For example, people having plenty of fruits have better immunity as fruits contain Vitamin C which is the key element to the immune system. Moreover, unlike red meat, vegetables have no cholesterol, which is a major contributor to heart disease, help to keep us healthy. Even dietitians around the world recommend to go vegan to patients, suffering from lifestyle disease or illness related to lever or guts, due to the fact that vegetarian diet has good nutrition as well as is friendly to the gut. Hence, it is clearly evident that not eating meat and fish have positive sides to it. Secondly, a tremendous amount of fresh water is required to process meat and beef, which contributes to ongoing water scarcity. Also, it is believed that the production of meat contributes to the greenhouse gases causing a rise in an existing environmental problem. Additionally, there is a school of thought, which is also very important, that argues the killing of animals is not justified for food when many alternatives food choices are available. Keeping all the points in consideration, promoting a vegetarian diet certainly has a positive impact on the environment and it also creates compassion amount people to save lives. To conclude, I support the belief that vegetarian people not only benefit themselves, which they certainly do but also saves many animal lives and environment and ultimately the world as a whole.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that fish and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
should not
be eaten
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit
as well
as for the benefit of the world. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument considering the advantages of a vegetarian diet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, vegetable and fruits are a great source of vitamin and minerals that are essential for keeping us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fruits have better immunity as fruits contain
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin C"
Vitamin C
which is the key element to the immune system.
Moreover
, unlike red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, vegetables have no cholesterol, which is a major contributor to heart disease,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Even dietitians around the world
The verb 'recommend' is used with the gerund form: "recommend going".
recommend to go
vegan to patients, suffering from lifestyle disease or illness related to lever or guts, due to the fact that vegetarian diet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutrition
as well
as is friendly to the gut.
Hence
, it is
clearly
evident that not eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and fish have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides to it.

Secondly
, a tremendous amount of fresh water
is required
to process
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and beef, which contributes to ongoing water scarcity.
Also
, it
is believed
that the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
contributes to the greenhouse gases causing a rise in an existing environmental problem.
Additionally
, there is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, that argues the killing of animals is not justified for food when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives food choices are available. Keeping all the points in consideration, promoting a vegetarian diet
certainly
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the environment and it
also
creates compassion amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, I support the belief that vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit themselves, which they
certainly
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and environment and
ultimately
the world as a whole.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people choose to eat no fish or meat. They believe that this is not better for your own health but also benefits the world as whole. Discuss these view and give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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