Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age This is called peer pressure Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages v.2

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age This is called peer pressure Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages v. 2
Nowadays, peer pressure is a hot topic in people’s daily life. Some people think that the only way to change young people better is influenced by other’s behaviors and situations, while others believe that it isn’t a wise choice. Before rending my opinion, I think it is important to take a glance on both sides. The first point to note is that young people should restrain themselves by other’s behaviors and situations. In that way, young people can perform better in their daily lives. Because the first step to success is making friends with people who are wellconducted. The friends who have good manners can choose a correct way for us, it can help us to build a good behaviors. In addition to this, peer pressure has positive effect on teenagers, it is a good way to participate in a new circle of friends quickly. That is to say, teenagers can be accepted by new friends. Why is this happened? Some teenagers who lack of self-confidence or have no reliable friends are afraid of pushing out by their friends, so they give up doing themselves to obey others. However, too much peer pressure is bad for teenagers, they have to do things which they are dislike. On the negative side, it is an undeniable fact that peer pressure has opposite effect on youngsters, since the dangerous ideas may swallow the problem youngsters. Some youngsters will use extreme methods, in order to defeat the classmates who are better than themselves. Therefore, the problem youngsters will be influenced. For example, a student killed his roommates because of his grades. Based on the facts out line above, one can understand that the negative side of peer pressure is bound to be a curse for the problem youngsters, even though the problem student will use extreme methods to defeat others. Anyway, I can’t imagine what the world will become if peer pressure disappear.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is a hot topic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better
is influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
behaviors and situations, while others believe that it isn’t a wise choice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
rending my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take a glance on both sides.

The
first
point to note is that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should restrain themselves by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
behaviors and situations. In that way, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can perform better in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
first
step to success is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellconducted
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners can choose a correct way for us, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "behavior"?
behaviors
.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to participate in a new circle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
quickly
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Why is this happened?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack of self-confidence or have no reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are afraid of pushing out by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they give up doing themselves to obey others.
However
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do things which they are dislike.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
has opposite effect on youngsters, since the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
may swallow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngsters will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
extreme methods, in order to defeat the classmates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are better than themselves.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
youngsters will
be influenced
.
For example
, a student killed his roommates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his grades.

Based on the facts out line above, one can understand that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is bound
to be a curse for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
youngsters,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
student will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
extreme methods to defeat others. Anyway, I can’t imagine what the world will become if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
disappear.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age This is called peer pressure Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts