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Some people buy their children whatever they ask for and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is it a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v.2

Some people buy their children whatever they ask for and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is it a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v. 2
In today’s society, parents who are become increasingly permissive, do not impose sufficient discipline on their children, and in some cases buy them too many things. this essay will explore why this is not an acceptable way to raise their kids and why it will have counter-productive impact, on their children. Recently, because of progressed society, earning money become easier than past and parents spend it for their kids more than enough, but they are not aware what they do with their children’s lives. First and foremost effects is this kind of behaviour make their offsprings indulge or tremendously avarice, and that is one of the worst character which some one could have. because never anyone like someone like this. Secondly, children never find out the value of their means, duo to that their parent’s treatment, that mean anytime they destroy something their parents will prepare another for them. kids have to face to real life and life is not flexible like parents, thus parent should make them ready for this issue. Thirdly, it is imperative children know parents do not always have money to spend it for them. kids should know they are the only responsible for their activities not their parents. that means parents should behaviour in admonitory ways to learn them being eager beaver. In conclusion, in totally children should understand implication of the word “no”. that mean some time that is better for parents to say no to their children to make them find out who is the determiner. Or else they never could restrain them
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
are become
increasingly
permissive, do not impose sufficient discipline on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will explore why this is not an acceptable way to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and why it will have counter-productive impact, on their children.

Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of progressed society, earning money become easier than past and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not aware what they do with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

First
and foremost effects is this kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
indulge or
tremendously
avarice, and
that is
one of the worst character which
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
could have.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
never anyone like someone like this.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
never find out the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
, duo to that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
treatment, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
anytime they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
something their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will prepare another for them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face to real life and life is not flexible like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready for this issue.

Thirdly
, it is imperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not always have money to
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
kids
should know they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsible for their activities not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in admonitory ways to learn them being eager beaver.

In conclusion
, in
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should understand implication of the word “no”.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
that is
better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to say no to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them find out who is the determiner. Or else they never could restrain
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people buy their children whatever they ask for and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is it a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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