Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. with this opinion? v. 6
It is a common practice conducted by HR (Human Resources) departments in most western companies to substitute senior staff for younger ones. This policy might be questionable since HR managers favor new ideas and enthusiasm over experience. I, as a recent graduate student, support the practice because it is a natural process of ageing. Japan management can be considered to be the most efficient and reliable than other types of management. It is unlikely to see a young in a top manager position in Japanese companies since the positions are occupied by experienced senior employees who have passed through many economic crises and accustomed to intense competitive markets. Therefore, Japanese entities such as Toyota, Sony, Mitsubishi, etc. are often found among the world’s top ranked companies. Nevertheless, markets and industries have significantly changed compared to the last century. Nowadays organizations run by young managers ensure niches in industries and successfully compete with the giant companies. This phenomenon is explained with the fact that young top managers are full of new and audacious ideas which contribute in their success. Most senior ex-employees who used to work in high positions in companies claim that they have left little time to enjoy the life. Top managers tend to resign at their late 60’s or even 70’s after devoting youth and a great majority of time to the companies they worked. Consider the fact that in most countries the lifespan is 75 years, thus, those managers approximately have 5 to 10 years. This time might not be enough for enjoying with ones’ families. Therefore, it would be humane to encourage top managers to retire at age of 55 so they could have more time to devote to their families. Encouraging employees in high positions to leave at the age of 55 can be beneficial for both the employees and their successors since the seniors can have more time for family, and the successors can bring innovation.
It is a common practice conducted by HR (Human Resources) departments in most western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
staff for younger ones. This policy might be questionable since HR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
favor new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and enthusiasm over experience. I, as a recent graduate student, support the practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a natural process of
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
.

Japan management can
be considered
to be the most efficient and
Use "(reliable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
reliable
than other types of management. It is unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a young in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are occupied
by experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
employees who have passed through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economic crises and accustomed to intense competitive markets.
Therefore
, Japanese entities such as Toyota, Sony, Mitsubishi, etc. are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found among the world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Nevertheless
, markets and industries have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
compared to the last century. Nowadays organizations run by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
ensure niches in industries and
successfully
compete with the giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This phenomenon is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
with the fact that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are full of new and audacious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which contribute in their success.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
ex-employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
claim that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy the life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
tend to resign at their late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60’s
or even
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "70s".
70’s
after devoting youth and a great majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they worked. Consider the fact that in most countries the lifespan is 75 years,
thus
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
approximately have 5 to 10 years. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for enjoying with ones’ families.
Therefore
, it would be humane to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
to retire at age of 55
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote to their families.

Encouraging employees in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
at the age of 55 can be beneficial for both the employees and their successors since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family, and the successors can bring innovation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts