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Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v.2

Nowadays, some parents are willing to provide the best conditions to their kids and unconditionally satisfy all of their children’s demands. This is not a desirable style of parenting, and it could produce some adverse effects on the kids’ adulthood. Obviously, over-indulgence of the youngsters is an inappropriate method of bringing them up. The only benefit of this approach is preventing the kids from annoying their parents and being disobedient temporarily. However, in the long run, those children tend to imitate the earlier actions that help them achieve their wants, which creates the children’ bad habits of doing whatever to get the thing they ask for. In case their requests are not fulfilled, they will keep irritating their parents or even demonstrate several extreme actions such as crying, fasting or being angry to the other people. Furthermore, there are several detrimental impacts on the minors in the future that arise from giving the kids everything they want. Its primary consequence is that the children will struggle with coping with personal tasks. This is because those youngsters have been overly dependent on their parents even when they have grown up, they presume that they can achieve any goal they desire without thinking or working themselves just by asking their parents. Another issue deprives from this unfavorable parenting style is that the youngsters are willing to do anything to get what they want, regardless those actions are risky, silly, or even illegal. For example, in Vietnam, there are thousands of juvenile delinquencies, which mostly associated with stealing and rubbing, results from terrible guidance of those criminals’ parents in their childhood. In conclusion, it is unwise to raise their children up by giving them anything they demand and allow them to do whatever they like. This manner not only undesirably influences the children in their juvenility but also results in harmful effects in their lives later on. It is predicted that unless there are not significant changes in style of parenting in many families, both the children and the social will face several devastating threats in the future.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are willing to provide the best conditions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
unconditionally
satisfy all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
demands. This is not a desirable style of parenting, and it could produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
adulthood.

Obviously
, over-indulgence of the youngsters is an inappropriate method of bringing them up. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit of this approach is preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
from annoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and being disobedient
temporarily
.
However
, in the long run, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate the earlier actions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve their wants, which creates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits of doing whatever to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the thing they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
. In case their requests are not fulfilled, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
irritating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or even demonstrate several extreme actions such as crying, fasting or being angry to the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, there are several detrimental impacts on the minors in the future that arise from giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
everything they want. Its primary consequence is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will struggle with coping with personal tasks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those youngsters have been
overly
dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
even when they have grown up, they presume that they can achieve any goal they desire without thinking or working themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by asking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another issue
The usual collocation for “deprives” is “of”, not “”. Did you mean “deprives of”?
deprives from
this unfavorable parenting style is that the youngsters are willing to do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want, regardless those actions are risky, silly, or even illegal.
For example
, in Vietnam, there are thousands of juvenile delinquencies, which
mostly
associated with stealing and rubbing, results from terrible guidance of those criminals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their childhood.

In conclusion
, it is unwise to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up by giving them anything they demand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do whatever they like. This manner not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undesirably
influences the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvenility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
results in harmful effects in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
later on. It
is predicted
that unless there are not significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in style of parenting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the social will face several devastating threats in the future.
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We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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