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Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v.3

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v. 3
Few parents fulfil their kids all wishes, whether they want to purchase an item or looking to do some activity. In my opinion, this style of kids upbringing is a negative approach, and it will exert some immediate adverse effect on their attitude and behaviour towards other people. In my perspective, raising children is a crucial and complex task of parents' life and they want to complete each desire of them. However, parents should allow some freedom for their kids in aspect of their life, but authorizing them to do anything can lead their vulnerable minds to indulge into illegal activities. This can ruin their whole life. According to a survey of the Oxford University, kids in developed nations are less respectful towards laws and society because they barely face any inconvenience in their childhood, and their parents had let them do whatever they want without any consent or restriction. When parents don't interrupt children, when they are choosing options for their life or materialistic things, children tend to be arrogant and their behaviour for other individuals has also become harsher. Because they were never guided by their elder ones how to behave, they thought the decisions they are making are the best choices for them. However, in some exceptional cases it may give some fruitful outcomes, but in most of the scenario results are direr due to the lack of maturity. For example, the kids of movie stars enjoy the pleasure in their life from the moment they bore, and get unconditional attention in their childhood. It has been observed that most of the star kids become adult, they behave rudely with the fans of their parents and other people. In conclusion, one can conclude that over-indulgence may produce a number of unfavourable effects on children, including the delay in gaining crucial life skills such as self-feeding and the long-term consequence of lacking the ability to cope with problems as adults in the future.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
all wishes, whether they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
an item or looking to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activity. In my opinion, this style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
upbringing is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
approach, and it will exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
immediate adverse effect on their attitude and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my perspective, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a crucial and complex task of parents'
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they want to complete each desire of them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freedom for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in aspect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
authorizing them to do anything can lead their vulnerable minds to indulge into illegal activities. This can ruin their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. According to a survey of the Oxford University,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in developed nations are less respectful towards laws and society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
barely
face any inconvenience in their childhood, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do whatever they want without any consent or restriction.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don't interrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, when they are choosing options for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or materialistic things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to be arrogant and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for other individuals has
also
become harsher.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they were never guided by their elder ones how to behave, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the decisions they are making are the best choices for them.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptional cases it may give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fruitful outcomes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in most of the scenario results are direr due to the lack of maturity.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of movie stars enjoy the pleasure in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from the moment they bore, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unconditional attention in their childhood. It has
been observed
that most of the star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become adult, they behave
rudely
with the fans of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, one can conclude that over-indulgence may produce a number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, including the delay in gaining crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as self-feeding and the long-term consequence of lacking the ability to cope with problems as adults in the future.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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