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Some universities arrange a long period of vacation for students in the school year, others arrange several short vacations. Which kind of vacation do you prefer? why? v.2

Some universities arrange a long period of vacation for students in the school year, others arrange several short vacations. Which kind of vacation do you prefer? why? v. 2
Young people experience variety of rules when they enter to educational universities. Generally, vacation periods are one of the main things which they mostly wanted to know about. Some universities offer compact vacation times. However there are some other places where their vocational periods are distributed throughout their calendar. I think the latter plan may benefit students more due to some good possibilities it has. First, distributed holidays help the university officials and the students to keep up their connection with the university all around the year. As you know most of the teachers complain about the fact that students completely forget every thing related to their assignments when they came back from long time educational vacations. So, short vacations that are located in every month of the year in 3 to 4 day range can help the students to act better during their semesters since they return to learning atmosphere shortly. Secondly, any person like to experience every seasons good moments and especial holidays. Also, these days, universities host numerous students from all over the world with different cultures and traditions. Distributed vacations chiefly assist them to celebrate their own traditional holidays in different times of the year. This can present as a sense of respect to them. Furthermore, it helps good and determined students who study hard and manage their time consistently during a semester to save their vacations whenever they decide and use them in the best time they suit right. Short vacations gave the students the ability to do whatever they want with their free times since they are the persons who decide whether to use them or not. In conclusion, vacations are one the most debatable topics in all universities frequently. There are different suggestions about their place in educational calendar but I believe students would totally benefit more if they have many short vacations during a year rather than long periods of holidays at the end of an educational year.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
when they enter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
periods are one of the main things which they
mostly
wanted to know about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer compact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other places where their vocational periods
are distributed
throughout their calendar. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the latter plan may benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
possibilities it has.

First
, distributed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
officials and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up their connection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. As you know most of the teachers complain about the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
completely forget every thing related to their assignments when they came back from long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
that
are located
in every month of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in 3 to 4 day range can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to act better during their semesters since they return to learning atmosphere shortly.

Secondly
, any person like to experience every seasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moments and especial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
Also
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
host numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from all over the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and traditions. Distributed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
chiefly
assist them to celebrate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. This can present as a sense of respect to them.

Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and determined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
consistently
during a semester to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
whenever they decide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they suit right. Short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
gave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the ability to do whatever they want with their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
since they are the persons who decide whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them or not.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most debatable topics in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
frequently
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
suggestions about their place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
calendar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
totally
benefit more if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
rather
than long periods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities arrange a long period of vacation for students in the school year, others arrange several short vacations. Which kind of vacation do you prefer? why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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