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Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.1

Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault. 1
Obesity is one of the major concerns we face today. Some individuals believe that the government is responsible for the increased incidents of obesity among children. Whilst, others argue that parents are accountable. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and provide my opinion. It is true that the government could have taken preventive measures to control obesity in children. The government could pass regulations that require food companies to produce chocolates, cheese and chips with more nutrients. These regulations will force companies to sell their food products at higher prices. This, in turn, will reduce their consumption and when consumption of junk foods decreases, incidents of obesity will also decrease. For example, New York Times reported that children of New York are less obese than children of other states in the US because the local government there regulated the food industry a long time ago. However, government intervention alone will not prevent obesity in children. Parents have an equally important role to play. They should monitor their children’s eating habits to control obesity. Nowadays, many parents work long hours to feed their children, but they do not realize that the food that they serve is not of high quality. This is another reason for the increase in childhood obesity. So parents must find the time to cook proper meals for their children. If both of them are busy, they can share this responsibility between themselves. This way obesity can be controlled or eliminated. In conclusion, both the government and the parents can play an important role in controlling childhood obesity. The government should regulate the food industry and parents should serve healthy home cooked meals.
Obesity is one of the major concerns we face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for the increased incidents of obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Whilst, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are accountable. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and provide my opinion.

It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could have taken preventive measures to control obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could pass regulations that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to produce chocolates, cheese and chips with more nutrients. These regulations will force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products at higher prices. This, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption and when consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
decreases, incidents of obesity will
also
decrease.
For example
, New York Times reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of New York are less obese than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of other states in the US
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
there regulated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry a long time ago.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention alone will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play. They should monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eating habits to control obesity.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work long hours to feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not realize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they serve is not of high quality. This is another reason for the increase in childhood obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the time to cook proper meals for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If both of them are busy, they can share this responsibility between themselves. This way obesity can
be controlled
or eliminated.

In conclusion
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in controlling childhood obesity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should serve healthy home cooked meals.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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