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According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v.4

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v. 4
It is true that an increasing number of modern tourists have a tendency to spend their entire holiday in a small resort, without exploring the rich cultural heritage of the local area where they travel to. The causes of this appear to be focused on two areas and such present tourist patterns are quite different compared to the past. Perhaps the major factor here is the idleness resulting from high workload and stress. For example, in the workplace, employees are expected to work under high pressure and the excessive time spent at work could lead to long lasting tiredness or fatigue. When these people take some weeks off for vacation, they seem to be too lazy to do further exploration about the lifestyles or traditions of local inhabitants. A secondary cause is the problems with many tourist destinations themselves where visitors might suffer from being robbed or ripped off by indigenious people. This could lead to the idea that it is possibly better and safer to stay in the resorts only. In my opinion, there is a huge difference between modern and past tourism. Comparing to today’s tourists, our past generations were likely to experience all aspects of life where they paid a visit to. For instance, my parents always share their wonderful time of hands on experience while they stayed with a tribal community in the Amazon rainforest. Another disparity is that some old resorts and vacation spots were not be able to provide all necessary services like catering or recreation, this would result in hotel guests searching for food or fun activities to enjoy outside the resort area. In conclusion, laziness and locals’ offences against tourists seem to be the main factors behind this problem. Also, there is a great dissimilarity between today and old days’ tourism.
It is true that an increasing number of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have a tendency to spend their entire holiday in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resort
, without exploring the rich cultural heritage of the local area where they travel to. The causes of this appear to
be focused
on two areas and such present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
patterns are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
compared to the past.

Perhaps the major factor here is the idleness resulting from high workload and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, in the workplace, employees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to work under high pressure and the excessive time spent at work could lead to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
tiredness or fatigue. When these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weeks off for vacation, they seem to be too lazy to do
further
exploration about the lifestyles or traditions of local inhabitants. A secondary cause is the problems with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destinations themselves where visitors might suffer from
being robbed
or ripped off by
Possible spelling mistake found.
indigenious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This could lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is
possibly
better and safer to stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resorts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In my opinion, there is a huge difference between modern and past tourism. Comparing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, our past generations were likely to experience all aspects of life where they paid a visit to.
For instance
, my parents always share their wonderful time of hands on experience while they stayed with a tribal community in the Amazon rainforest. Another disparity is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resorts
and vacation spots were not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to provide all necessary services like catering or recreation, this would result in hotel guests searching for food or fun activities to enjoy outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resort
area.

In conclusion
, laziness and locals’
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
seem to be the main factors behind this problem.
Also
, there is a great dissimilarity between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days’ tourism.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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