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Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. v. 1
Keeping the wild animals in zoos could be perceived as immoral by some people, While others think zoos play an important role in understanding the ecology and entertaining the people. In this essay we will discuss both the perspectives. Keeping animals in an enclosed surrounding is considered as inhuman and cruelty to animals. Animals are naturally wild in nature and needs to be in its natural habitat for a safer and healthier life. For example, a caged and fed lion would behave very differently from the wild one in the forest. Zoo enclosure may deprive the animals from movement and the required survival skills. As an example, when animals are fed it loses its ability to hunt for food and adapt to the various conditions in the wild. Some animals live as a group and exhibit different behaviour when raised in a zoo. In addition, animals like zebra, deer live as herds and separating it in a zoo may impact its health. Once an animal is moved into a zoo it becomes very difficult to introduce it back to the wild. However, Some think it is a necessary to have some animals in a zoo. Firstly, It helps us in understanding how the animal behaves with other animals and in a simulated environment. For example, How would a zebra behave with certain buffalo in close proximity. Secondly, Animals that are close to extinction needs to be saved by breeding in a closed environment and introducing it back to the wild. Lastly, The zoo is required for entertaining children and educating children. For some, it may be the only experience with animals. In conclusion, There are merits in both the views. However, the advantage in having zoos over weighs the disadvantages. In future it could be a way to save the rare animals and preserve the diversity in the wild.
Keeping the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos could
be perceived
as immoral by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
zoos play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in understanding the ecology and entertaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this essay we will discuss both the perspectives.

Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in an enclosed surrounding
is considered
as inhuman and cruelty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are
naturally
wild in nature and needs to be in its natural habitat for a safer and healthier life.
For example
, a caged and fed lion would behave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
differently
from the wild one in the forest. Zoo enclosure may deprive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from movement and the required survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As an example, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are fed
it loses its ability to hunt for food and adapt to the various conditions in the wild.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as a group and exhibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
when raised in a zoo.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like zebra, deer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as herds and separating it in a zoo may impact its health.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into a zoo it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to introduce it back to the wild.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a necessary to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in a zoo.
Firstly
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in understanding how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
behaves with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and in a simulated environment.
For example
, How would a zebra behave with certain buffalo in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
that are close to extinction needs to
be saved
by breeding in a closed environment and introducing it back to the wild.
Lastly
, The zoo
is required
for entertaining children and educating children. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it may be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
experience with animals.

In conclusion
, There are merits in both the views.
However
, the advantage in having zoos over weighs the disadvantages. In
The comma is probably missing here: "future, it".
future it
could be a way to save the rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and preserve the diversity in the wild.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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