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Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. v. 2
It is generally believed that by providing aid to poor countries, the rich countries could solve one of the most critical issues which is the world poverty. While it would partly help improve the situation, I do not agree that the poverty can be solved completely just by giving large amounts of money. First of all, by doing so, the governments has already forgotten the fundamental, underlying causes of poverty, which are based entirely on the policies and regulations themselves. In fact, this can only be served as a temporary solution and does not necessarily bring any long-term benefits or impacts to the current poverty situation. If governments of poor countries insisted on having no reinforcements on their regulations, consequently, there would be no improvements in the economy, hunger and poverty would still remain. The government agencies themselves have to play crucial roles in improving the current situations. Second, if governments from poor countries continuously receive financial aid from the more developed ones, it will eventually give them a sense of reliance. In other words, they might have to constantly depend on the help of other countries and cannot take control over the situation. Greece debt crisis is a famously known example in this case. Back in the days, Greece used to to carry too much debt, to the point where the government had to declare bankruptcy. As a part of the Eurozone, they are forced to seek out the help from other EU countries for several bailouts in order to pay the debt. However, Greece still remained a poor country compared to other members of the Eurozone and has not been able to recover their economy since. In conclusion, while it might be a fairly good approach to fund poor countries to reduce poverty, it would require more efforts, especially on the poor countries side, to completely erase hunger and improve their economies.
It is
generally
believed that by providing aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could solve one of the most critical issues which is the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. While it would partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
can
be solved
completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by giving large amounts of money.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
has already forgotten the fundamental, underlying causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, which
are based
entirely
on the policies and regulations themselves. In fact, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be served
as a temporary solution and does not
necessarily
bring any long-term benefits or impacts to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
situation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
insisted on having no reinforcements on their regulations,
consequently
, there would be no improvements in the economy, hunger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
would
still
remain. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
agencies themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play crucial roles in improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situations.

Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
continuously
receive financial aid from the more developed ones, it will
eventually
give them a sense of reliance. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
constantly
depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cannot take control over the situation.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Greece debt
crisis is a
famously
known example
in this case
. Back in the days, Greece
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
carry too much debt, to the point where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had to declare bankruptcy. As a part of the Eurozone, they
are forced
to seek out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
EU
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for several bailouts in order to pay the debt.
However
, Greece
still
remained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the Eurozone and has not been able to recover their economy since.

In conclusion
, while it might be a
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach to fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, it would require more efforts,
especially
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
side, to completely erase hunger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economies.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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