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Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think they make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think they make the problem less important. v. 3
Innumerable people hold a perspective that a well-known people or film stars is playing a major role to support the global aid organizations just to get the public awareness while others asserts that this sort of activity will downplay the numerous significant problems. So this essay will enumerate the both reasons in detail and I will enunciate my personal opinion regarding this in forth coming paragraphs. In first view, many insignificant event lives of celebrities making headlines of front page of newspaper which people leads to highly ignoring news about them in reality, when some outrageous outfit is worn by some idle could be a headlines of many newspapers. Furthermore, numerous celebrities tend to contribute about 10 lakhs rupees in many orphanages, just to obtain the more fame from public which becomes a sort of trade for journalists to write their blogs on them in internet or social websites. So this types of activities makes the people to think wrong about those renowned people and having misconception about them. In second view, many communities are hectic in their daily routines and people who are well earnest even their salary is not much tenable to acquire their requirements of poor people. so that is why famous take the first stand to demonstrate their selves for contribution and it is evident, the work of the people to make unnecessary rumors of them also it is indisputable, those who are belongs to the richest families often donates a much more money as compare to famous people do, also those got the same perspective to reduce the poverty in their country but they never tend to disclose their names at any cost. To conclude with, there are certain valid argument to the contrary in my personal belief that the impact of the famous people brings positive changes in amongst those global aid organization what that they always tend to donate.
Innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a perspective that a well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or film stars is playing a major role to support the global aid organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the public awareness while others asserts that this sort of activity will downplay the numerous significant problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay will enumerate the both reasons in detail and I will enunciate my personal opinion regarding this in forth coming paragraphs.

In
first
view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
insignificant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of celebrities making headlines of front page of newspaper which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
leads
to
highly
ignoring news about them in reality, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outrageous outfit
is worn
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
idle could be
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a headline" or simply "headlines"?
a headlines
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
newspapers.
Furthermore
, numerous celebrities tend to contribute about 10 lakhs rupees in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
orphanages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to obtain the more fame from public which becomes a sort of trade for journalists to write their blogs on them in internet or social websites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this types of activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
about those renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and having misconception about them.

In second view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities are hectic in their daily routines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are well earnest even their salary is not much tenable to acquire their requirements of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
take the
first
stand to demonstrate their selves for contribution and it is evident, the work of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unnecessary rumors of them
also
it is indisputable, those who are belongs to the richest families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
donates a much more money as compare to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do,
also
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the same perspective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the poverty in their country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never tend to disclose their names at any cost.

To conclude
with, there are certain valid argument to the contrary in my personal belief that the impact of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in amongst those global aid organization what that they always tend to donate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think they make the problem less important. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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