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Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. v.2

Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. v. 2
Today, it is not rare to see celebrities actively take part in philanthropy activities, giving rise to the term “celebrity humanitarians”. While some people advocate that this development will help raise public awareness regarding the issue, others believe celebrities instead make the problem less important than it ought to be. I will discuss both views and then state my opinion. On the one hand, some people believe celebrities dilute the importance of the problems. There have been many cases where the involvement of a celebrity only serves as tabloid materials rather than educates the public about the issue, especially when the celebrities’ main motive is to promote their name. For example, a model once published a series of her nude photos, citing her opposition to the illegal poaching of animals in Africa as the main motive, but never mentioned anything about how serious the issue of illegal poaching was in following interviews. On the other hand, it is undeniable that celebrities are ideal candidates to alert the mass people to the pressing issues, if for no other reason than their unparalleled diverse audiences. The large fan base of famous people is very likely to support the good cause that their idol endorses. In addition, celebrities can gather huge media coverage, and as a result, even people who are not their fans can be aware of the problem. Such attention-catching ability is very important to spread the message about international aid needed. Having evaluated both sides of the argument, my conclusion is that the charity organizations can harness the celebrities’ star power, at the same time combat the afore mentioned problem by choosing their spoke person wisely, so that the ambassador sincerely has the best interests of the troubled people or animals at heart, and not to divert public attention to himself.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, it is not rare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
actively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in philanthropy activities, giving rise to the term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“celebrity
humanitarians”. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that this development will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
raise public awareness regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than it ought to be. I will discuss both views and then state my opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
dilute the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where the involvement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serves as tabloid materials
rather
than educates the public about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
,
especially
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
main motive is to promote their name.
For example
, a model once published a series of her nude photos, citing her opposition to the illegal poaching of animals in Africa as the main motive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never mentioned anything about how serious the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of illegal poaching was in following interviews.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are ideal candidates to alert the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the pressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, if for no other reason than their unparalleled diverse audiences. The large fan base of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause that their idol endorses.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can gather huge media coverage, and
as a result
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not their fans can be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Such attention-catching ability is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spread the message about international aid needed.

Having evaluated both sides of the argument, my conclusion is that the charity organizations can harness the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
star power, at the same time combat the
Possible spelling mistake found.
afore
mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by choosing their spoke person
wisely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the ambassador
sincerely
has the best interests of the troubled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or animals at heart, and not to divert public attention to himself.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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