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Public money should be spent on treating illnesses rather than promoting healthy life style. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Public money should be spent on treating illnesses rather than promoting healthy life style. v. 2
Health issues have been widely concerned over the recent years. Since the arrival of modern technology, the tendency of people live sedentary life styles is not uncommon. It is often argued that public funding should be utilized in curing the ailment instead of facilitating healthy habit. In my view, I completely disagree with the given statement and I believe promoting a healthy life style is more important. It is indisputable that popularizing the healthy life style is essential to the entire citizens. Making people cultivate the habit of exercise would not only facilitate human physical and mental health status, but also protect them from suffering illnesses. A case in point is that the government establishes more and more multi-functional gyms with various sport facilities inside. These gyms provide more opportunities not merely provide opportunities for people to exercise, but cater people by its diverse facilities. As a result, it is pivotal to promote the whole citizens to live a healthy life style. In addition, it is vital to facilitate healthy life style by education. Making the public be aware of the importance of health is an effective way to prevent people plagued by ailment. A salient example of this can be seen in the fact that educators impart the comprehensive knowledge and common sense to the students at every educational institution. Moreover, the speech with regard to healthy life style is increasingly widespread throughout the country. In this case, people could be well-informed on the importance of health, which could lead to a healthy life style. Accordingly, education of health is essential. By way of conclusion, as I argued above, I am convinced that bolstering healthy life style is more important treating the illness owing to the fact that only people aware the importance of health would the occurrence of illnesses be curtailed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
issues have been
widely
concerned over the recent years. Since the arrival of modern technology, the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
styles
is not uncommon. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that public funding should
be utilized
in curing the ailment
instead
of facilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habit. In my view, I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and I believe promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

It is indisputable that popularizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
is essential to the entire citizens. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cultivate the habit of exercise would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
facilitate human physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
protect them from suffering illnesses. A case in point is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
establishes more and more multi-functional gyms with various sport facilities inside. These gyms provide more opportunities not
merely
provide opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by its diverse facilities.
As a result
, it is pivotal to promote the whole citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.

In addition
, it is vital to facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
by education. Making the public be aware of the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plagued by ailment. A salient example of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the fact that educators impart the comprehensive knowledge and common sense to the students at every educational institution.
Moreover
, the speech with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
is
increasingly
widespread throughout the country.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be well-informed on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, which could lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
.
Accordingly
, education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is essential.

By way of conclusion, as I argued above, I
am convinced
that bolstering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
treating the illness owing to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would the occurrence of illnesses
be curtailed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Public money should be spent on treating illnesses rather than promoting healthy life style. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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