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People can go to shops and banks and work with computers, but some peopleworry that computers make people get more isolated and lose some social skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People can go to shops and banks and work with computers, but some peopleworry that computers make people get more isolated and lose some social skills. v. 1
With the development of the internet, computers are used for various purposes including shopping and banking. Some people say that this widespread use of computers for daily tasks will make people more isolated and lose some social skills. However, I partially disagree with these people, even though there may be fewer opportunities for face-to-face interaction. There are several reasons why people are worried about a less humane society resulting from the increased use of computers for daily tasks such as going to the shops and banks. Human relations may get too business-oriented as people do not meet the bank tellers or sales advisers in person. Making small talk or jokes with these people is a crucial part of developing social skills, and there are fewer chances for people to practice these skills online. At the same time, it is hard to make friends as people have fewer opportunities to talk to strangers. As a result, people will feel lonely and isolated. However, I do not think that people will get less sociable as a result of increased online transactions for several reasons. Firstly, people usually do not form friendships with people they meet for business purposes; thus, it is hardly likely that this will deprive people of opportunities to make friends. Secondly, daily tasks like shopping and banking do not require many social skills. The kinds of social skills involved with shopping and banking are rather minor. Loss of opportunities to meet these people for functional purposes does not make people lose social skills in general. Finally, social skills are much more needed in rather long-term relationships, for example, with colleagues, or friends, and family members. As long as they meet face-to-face in workplaces, schools, or social gatherings, people can learn and practice social skills. In conclusion, I do not believe that using computers for daily tasks will cause people to feel isolated and lack social skills, as they still meet people offline in other formal or private relationships. The use of computers may even help people to form strong personal relationships with friends and family members as they can save time spent for those daily tasks and join private gatherings more often.
With the development of the internet, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for various purposes including shopping and banking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that this widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more isolated and lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
, I
partially
disagree with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
even though
there may be fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for face-to-face interaction.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worried
about a less humane society resulting from the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
such as going to the shops and banks. Human relations may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too business-oriented as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the bank tellers or sales advisers in person. Making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
talk or jokes with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a crucial part of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and there are fewer chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to practice these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
online. At the same time, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to talk to strangers.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel lonely and isolated.

However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less sociable
as a result
of increased online transactions for several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
do not form friendships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
for business purposes;
thus
, it is hardly likely that this will deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
like shopping and banking do not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. The kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
involved with shopping and banking are
rather
minor. Loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for functional purposes does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in general
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are much more needed in
rather
long-term relationships,
for example
, with colleagues, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and family members. As long as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
face-to-face in workplaces, schools, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn and practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I do not believe that using computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel isolated and lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, as they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
offline in other formal or private relationships. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form strong personal relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family members as they can save time spent for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
private gatherings more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People can go to shops and banks and work with computers, but some peopleworry that computers make people get more isolated and lose some social skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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