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Agree or disagree? Nowadays it is not important for people to have regularly family meals together. v.2

Agree or disagree? Nowadays it is not important for people to have regularly family meals together. v. 2
With the rapid advancement of modern technology, the pace of daily life has changed dramatically. People nowadays are increasingly busy than ever. As a result, people spend less time with their family and have fewer regularly meals with their beloved ones. However, personally, I don’t think it’s proper to leave out family meals because regularly meals can bring us benefits including experience sharing and enhancing relationships. First of all, family meals provide an opportunity for both parents and children to share their recent experience and learn from each other. During family meals, parents can talk about their work and exchange their insight about social events. Therefore, children can have a better understanding of what is happening in the real world. In addition to discussing social events, parents are able to cultivate individual views of the children. For example, my mother is used to talk about interesting things she encountered in her work. She has been working as a software engineering for many years. I gained a lot of engineering knowledge from her at a very young age, and it even made me plan to be an engineer in the future. Secondly, in addition to sharing experiences of family members, regularly family meals also help to promote relationships between the members. There are several factors contributing to this point. First, the preparation of family meals requires communication skills. Through the discussion of different tasks, the skill of tactic understanding can be easily cultivated. Second, when meals are finished, mutual compliments are likely to remove previous misunderstandings and bring family members closer together. This process is especially important for couples because we all know that passion between lovers tends to decrease as time goes by. Regularly family meals strengthen their bonds and make it possible for couples to communicate and appreciate their love and care for their companion. Therefore, family meals play an important part in building up close relationships between family members. Finally, strong evidence suggests that having family meals can improve health conditions. Recent research conducted by the National Health Research Center (NHRC) in my country suggests that family meals increase people’s mood. As a result, people become more energetic and healthier by having meals together. Although it is hard to imagine such a simple process can result in the improvement of health, family meals are proved to be painkillers for people who suffer from depression or anxiety. In conclusion, although modern life can be overwhelming and people nowadays have less free time, it is still significantly important to spend time gathering with families on the table because it not only enhances the family relationship but also warm the heart of each family member. Furthermore, family meals also improve people’s health condition and help to develop a better living.
With the rapid advancement of modern technology, the pace of daily life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays are
increasingly
Use "busier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
busy
than ever.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
with their beloved ones.
However
,
personally
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s proper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
can bring us benefits including experience sharing and enhancing relationships.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
provide an opportunity for both parents and children to share their recent experience and learn from each other. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, parents can talk about their work and exchange their insight about social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Therefore
, children can have a better understanding of what is happening in the real world.
In addition
to discussing social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, parents are able to cultivate individual views of the children.
For example
, my mother is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to talk about interesting things she encountered in her work. She has been working as a software engineering for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. I gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
engineering knowledge from her at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, and it even made me plan to be an engineer in the future.

Secondly
,
in addition
to sharing experiences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote relationships between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. There are several factors contributing to this point.
First
, the preparation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
requires communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Through the discussion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of tactic understanding can be
easily
cultivated. Second, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are finished
, mutual compliments are likely to remove previous misunderstandings and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
closer together. This process is
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for couples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we all know that passion between lovers tends to decrease as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
goes by.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Regularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
strengthen their bonds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible for couples to communicate and appreciate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for their companion.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in building up close relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Finally
, strong evidence suggests that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. Recent research conducted by the National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Research Center (
Possible spelling mistake found.
NHRC
) in my country suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mood.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more energetic and healthier by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
together. Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine such a simple process can result in the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are proved
to be painkillers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from depression or anxiety.

In conclusion
, although modern life can be overwhelming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is
still
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gathering with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
on the table
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhances the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
warm the heart of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop a better living.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Nowadays it is not important for people to have regularly family meals together. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
459 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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