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some people believe today we have too many choices. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

some people believe today we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1
In addition, day by day the modern society is developing many facilities to select the variant options. This solution has a great impacted in everyone's life. However, I will discuss the pros and merits in following paragraphs. However, having the possibilities to choose whatever we want is such the mind-blowing feeling that sometime people cannot express also with words. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can also enhance the productivity and quality of their lives with much ease and efficacy. For instance, people's also have the possibilities to choice their study and also the jobs that are not related to their studies. Another proses to the choices also could be related to tourism destinations and spending the holidays according to moods. On the other hand, it is not 100% surely that people's have many choices because there are also many cases in which destiny pick the decision for us and we cannot take as well. To illustrate, I have seen many cases in which people have the option but a front of the destiny they have to bend their knees. Moreover, God has decided the best decisions for everybody so having the choice or do not have it doesn't matter because in this world will be happen that God will allow on our lives. In conclusion, people's trust that they have a lot of choices for everything's but there are also some occurrence in which a human could not do nothing and have not the controls in their hands. I disagree with that, people have various choices.
In addition
, day by day the modern society is developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities to select the variant options. This solution has a great impacted in everyone's life.
However
, I will discuss the pros and merits in following paragraphs.

However
, having the possibilities to choose whatever we want is such the mind-blowing feeling that sometime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot express
also
with words. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit more when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to being effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
enhance the productivity and quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and efficacy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
also
have the possibilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
their study and
also
the jobs that are not related to their studies. Another
Possible spelling mistake found.
proses
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
also
could
be related
to tourism destinations and spending the holidays according to moods.

On the other hand
, it is not 100%
surely
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases in which destiny
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "picks".
pick
the decision for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we cannot take
as well
. To illustrate, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a front of the destiny they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bend their knees.
Moreover
, God has decided the best decisions for everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
having
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
or do not have it doesn't matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this world will be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
that God will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's trust that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
for everything's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occurrence in which a human could
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not do nothing
and have not the controls in their hands. I disagree with that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people believe today we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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