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Some people believe that today we have too many choices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people believe that today we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1
It is increasingly common these days for tourists to visit museums whenever they travel to different countries. Although some of the museums charge some entry fees while others are free to visit. I think a nominal fee to be charged by these institutions would be justified/can be beneficial in many ways and outweigh the drawbacks. An evident benefit of having an entry price to the museums is that it will help in the economic growth of the country. In other words, many tourists in foreign countries often find museums an attractive place to explore and they would never hesitate to spend some minimal fees for it. This is because the museum curators preserve old artefacts and historian relics for tourists to understand the country’s culture. If there is no entrance fee, then it would be difficult for the museum authorities maintain all the antique items, ancient sculptures in its purest form. Moreover, the revenue collected from these museums can be utilized for the maintenance of these centres, renovation, repair costs, utility bills, staff costs, etc. However, there are some negatives to paying admission charges for museums. Firstly, the extortionate ticket prices could result in fewer tourists visiting the museum. This means if there are high ticket prices for museum galleries, then visitors would not prefer going to these centres. To illustrate this, the Times newspaper surveyed among tourists which stated that 33% of them would avoid seeing such type of excursion due to high-cost entry fees. As a result, this will decrease tourism and the culture of the country will be known by limited people. To conclude, although paying entry fees for museums would reduce the number of travellers at such place, however, it is important to consider that paying a nominal charge would aid the museum caretakers to maintain and cover the expenses it requires.
It is
increasingly
common these days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
whenever they travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
while others are free to visit. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a nominal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
to
be charged
by these institutions would
be justified
/can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and outweigh the drawbacks.

An evident benefit of having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
price to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
an attractive place to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
explore and
they would never hesitate to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
curators preserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and historian relics for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
culture. If there is no entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, then it would be difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
authorities maintain all the antique items, ancient sculptures in its purest form.
Moreover
, the revenue collected from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can
be utilized
for the maintenance of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, renovation, repair costs, utility bills, staff costs, etc.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives to paying admission charges for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Firstly
, the extortionate ticket prices could result in fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This means if there are high ticket prices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
galleries, then visitors would not prefer going to these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. To illustrate this, the Times newspaper surveyed among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
which stated that 33% of them would avoid seeing such type of excursion due to high-cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
.
As a result
, this will decrease tourism and the culture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
be known
by limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, although paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
at such place,
however
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that paying a nominal charge would aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
caretakers to maintain and cover the expenses it requires.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that today we have too many choices. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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