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Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 1
The taxpaying system has evolved over the years and emerged as the niche for the development of every country. It is argued by many that their hard-earned income should be used for themselves only and income's share should not be paid to the government as tax. In my opinion, taxes should always be mandatory, as they are utilized by the government for the welfare of a country, and aim at maintaining a balance between the rich and poor section of society. Firstly, every earning citizen of a country must pay back to it’s society, out of gratitude towards the country for enabling them to earn a living. To illustrate, it is due to security, safety, and privileges provided by a country that a person is able to fulfill their dreams and pursue a career. Furthermore, money collected by taxes is used by the government in public development sectors such as developing roads, parks, hospitals, and schools. Besides this, they are also used for providing alms and shelter for poor grief-stricken people. Finally, because of fear of heavy taxes, people are encouraged to do long term savings for future, as government offers some concession on taxes, if proof of savings is submitted at the time of filing income tax. For instance, many people invest in mutual funds or open tax-saving fixed deposit accounts in the lure of saving taxes. Moreover, if people stop paying taxes and keep on utilizing the complete salary, then this will create a huge ibalance between the rich and the poor, eventually soaring unemployment and the crime. To conclude, the monetary mechanism of earning and paying taxes is a way to ensure the proper functioning of a country, and should not be overturned.
The taxpaying system has evolved over the years and emerged as the niche for the development of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned income should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and income's share should not
be paid
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
should always be mandatory, as they
are utilized
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for the welfare of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and aim at maintaining a balance between the rich and poor section of society.

Firstly
, every earning citizen of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay back
Did you mean "to its society"?
to it’s society
, out of gratitude towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for enabling them to earn a living. To illustrate, it is due to security, safety, and privileges provided by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that a person is able to fulfill their dreams and pursue a career.
Furthermore
, money collected by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in public development sectors such as developing roads, parks, hospitals, and schools.
Besides
this, they are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for providing alms and shelter for poor grief-stricken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fear of heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraged
to do long term savings for future, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concession on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, if proof of savings
is submitted
at the time of filing income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
invest in mutual funds or open tax-saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
deposit accounts in the lure of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
Moreover
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on utilizing the complete salary, then this will create a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
ibalance
between the rich and the poor,
eventually
soaring unemployment and the crime.

To conclude
, the monetary mechanism of earning and paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
is a way to ensure the proper functioning of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and should not
be overturned
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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