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Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v.1

Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v. 1
Nowadays, tourism is the prominent source of income for many countries. It is often argued by some people that the tourism activities create some serious issues to the hosting nation. This essay will first discuss the threats associated with the growing tourism, and then suggest the viable solution. First of all, with the rise in the tourism industry, there comes a serious threat of the illegal immigration. While some of the bad elements of the society visit foreign countries with the agreed purpose of tourism only, on the other hand, they try to find unlawful ways to settle permanently in that particular area. For example, in year 2018, hundreds of the people from South Asia were arrested by the Federal Police of the United States who tried to become the permanent resident by wrong methods. Despite of the highly strict visa policies, such criminals enter foreign countries with the help of the visitor visas. As a solution to the above stated problem associated with the growth of the tourism, the visa offices are required to be more strict and careful prior to the grant of the permit to the people of the suspected regions. Although visa officers keep an eye on such people, there is a significant need to maintain a black list in which suspicious parts of the world are marked and the grant of any kind of visa to the people who belong to any of these place should be blocked. For example, in the black list of the United States Immigration Agency, Iran and North Korea have been marked. Every immigration organisation should follow the same approach so that such harmful drawbacks can be overcome. Tourism is ever growing sector which has enormous potential to make lucrative profits. While along with the tourists, there comes the issue of illegal immigration, which can be resolved by the implementation of strong visa policies by the visa authorities.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is the prominent source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
activities create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues to the hosting nation. This essay will
first
discuss the threats associated with the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, and then suggest the viable solution.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, with the rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a serious threat of the illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
. While
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
elements of the society visit foreign countries with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
on the other hand
, they try to find unlawful ways to settle
permanently
in that particular area.
For example
, in year 2018, hundreds of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from South Asia
were arrested
by the Federal Police of the United States who tried to become the permanent resident by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
methods.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the
highly
strict visa policies, such criminals enter foreign countries with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the visitor visas.

As a solution to the above stated problem associated with the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, the visa offices
are required
to be more strict and careful prior to the grant of the permit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the suspected regions. Although visa officers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there is a significant need to maintain a black list in which suspicious parts of the world
are marked
and the grant of any kind of visa to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who belong to any of these place should
be blocked
.
For example
, in the black list of the United States
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Immigration
Agency, Iran and North Korea have
been marked
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should follow the same approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that such harmful drawbacks can
be overcome
.

Tourism is ever growing sector which has enormous potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lucrative profits. While along with the tourists, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the issue of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
, which can
be resolved
by the implementation of strong visa policies by the visa authorities.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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