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Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 2
Every government has several tax rules, which should be followed by each and every citizen. However, some people do not like to pay the tax, because, they want to keep all the money, they have earned. According to me, paying the tax is the responsibility of an individual to contribute in the progress of the nation. So, I totally disagree with the given statement and the reasons of my disinclination are explained in trailed paragraphs. To begin with, it is commonly seen that, nowadays, the authority is levying a heavy tax on every product. At a first glance, it may be considered as a waste of money. But, in a reality, this tax amount is being used to facilitate local people like us. For example, the basic facilities, which we are enjoying currently, such as a good transportation system, the reliable medical system and the government's educational facility, all are attributable to the fund, collected as the tax. Moreover, the society contributes a lot in the overall development of an individual. So, when a person starts to earn money, it is his/her turn to give back to the society in the form of paying the tax. After all, a certain part of this tax amount is being used for the needy people. For instance, in India, twenty percent of the total tax amount is being spent to educate underprivileged children in rural areas, which plays a vital role to increase the literacy rate of the country. To conclude, paying the tax can be very useful for citizens as well as people around us. Therefore, I strongly believe that, everyone should pay the tax regularly.
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, which should
be followed
by each and every citizen.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all the money, they have earned.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is the responsibility of an individual to contribute in the progress of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and the reasons of my disinclination are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in trailed paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, nowadays, the authority is levying a heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on every product. At a
first
glance, it may
be considered
as a waste of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in a reality, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
amount is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to facilitate local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like us.
For example
, the basic facilities, which we are enjoying
currently
, such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
transportation system, the reliable medical system and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's educational facility, all are attributable to the fund, collected as the tax.

Moreover
, the society contributes a lot in the
overall
development of an individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to earn money, it is his/her turn to give back to the society in the form of paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
After all
, a certain part of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
amount is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, in India, twenty percent of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
amount is
being spent
to educate underprivileged children in rural areas, which plays a vital role to increase the literacy rate of the country.

To conclude
, paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for citizens
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around us.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that, everyone should pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
regularly
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people believe they should keep all they money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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