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Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while other would argue that rehabilitation is its primary role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while other would argue that rehabilitation is its primary role. v. 1
The purpose of jails is always in a high debate and many thinks that they exist for the correction of criminals. However, others believe that they are there for disciplining the perpetrators. Although both of these perspectives have their own reasons but, in my opinion, they should be there as an opportunity for wrong doers to rehabilitate themselves. Undoubtedly, there are various reasons for the confinements to be a place for punishment. Firstly, there are various crimes in the society which are very serious in nature such as murder and rape and the person who carry out these heinous crimes should not get a chance to be released in the society again. If they are allowed to roam in the community without being punished, then they could repeat the crime for the second time. Moreover, if the convicts are chastised then it sets an example for the future generation so that they learn what happens if someone chooses a wrong path. On the other hand, the purpose of prison is also to correct the offenders and there are various explanations behind this. Primarily, people should always get option for amendments because most of the times people are in the path of crime due to the circumstances they face in their harsh life and eventually they go against the rule. For instance, motives behind most of the theft and robberies that comes to the court are often due to poverty. Additionally, it is also not very certain that the punishment changes person but could even become more devastating. There are lot of instances where criminals behind bars getting more violent than before due to disciplinary action they get during that time. In conclusion, while there are many reasons which presents the role of confinement as a chastising house, I believe that people should always get a second chance to alter themselves because there could be countless motives which drives these people toward incorrect path.
The purpose of jails is always in a high debate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they exist for the correction of criminals.
However
, others believe that they are there for disciplining the perpetrators. Although both of these perspectives have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in my opinion, they should be there as an opportunity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doers to rehabilitate themselves.

Undoubtedly
, there are various reasons for the confinements to be a place for punishment.
Firstly
, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious in nature such as murder and rape and the person who carry out these heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
be released
in the society again. If they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to roam in the community without
being punished
, then they could repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for the second time.
Moreover
, if the convicts
are chastised
then it sets an example for the future generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they learn what happens if someone chooses a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path.

On the other hand
, the purpose of prison is
also
to correct the offenders and there are various explanations behind this.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
option for amendments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
due to the circumstances they face in their harsh life and
eventually
they go against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.
For instance
, motives behind most of the theft and robberies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the court are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
due to poverty.
Additionally
, it is
also
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
certain that the punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could even become more devastating. There are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
instances where criminals behind bars getting more violent than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to disciplinary action they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
during that time.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which presents the role of confinement as a chastising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a second chance to alter themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there could be countless motives which drives these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
toward incorrect path.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while other would argue that rehabilitation is its primary role. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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