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Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. v. 1
Better education of school children is one of the issues that most of the parents and the teacher deal with it. Some individuals think that assignment is rewarding to education of the children, however, others believe that it is not useful anymore. There are rational arguments on both sides of this statement which will be discussed in detail, followed by my own point of view. On the one side, there are those reasoning that homeworks are fundamentally necessary for school students. To simply put, the main reason behind of necessity of assignment is that when students are in the classes at school they learnt new lessons, which it needs to settle in mind by repeating it. Therefore, for repeating it, it is obvious that homework can play a significant role. Take a new mathematical equation as an example; by utilizing of assignments it is more likely to learn it much better. Hence, the more homework for students given by the instructors, the more repeating to memorize the new lessons. On the other hand, the opposing view asserts that homeworks do not have an effect on the productivity of students at all. That is to say, providing that the school children spend their time by studying and doing practice after school, they will not have enough time to do other activities including sport and voluntary affairs, which are vital to take in about life. So, by participating in social activity they would be probably learn much better than the assignment. A good illustration for this participates in charity affairs, which children can encounter with real life. Moreover, Students take part at class several hours per day, which is not only enough for education, but these hours are fair enough to extra programs at the schools as well. To conclude, there are valid reason on both sides of the controversy, however, it is my opinion that attention should be paid to reduce the amount of homework for children for the sake of giving more free time to think far away education and go to their goals, because the real experience is more important than the education.
Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is one of the issues that most of the parents and the teacher deal with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
is rewarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, others believe that it is not useful anymore. There are rational arguments on both sides of this statement which will
be discussed
in detail, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

On the one side, there are those reasoning that
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
are
fundamentally
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To
simply
put, the main reason behind of necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are in the classes at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
new lessons, which it needs to settle in mind by repeating it.
Therefore
, for repeating it, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
can play a significant role. Take a new mathematical equation as an example; by utilizing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignments
it is more likely to learn it much better.
Hence
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the instructors, the more repeating to memorize the new lessons.

On the other hand
, the opposing view asserts that
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
do not have an effect on the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at all.
That is
to say, providing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time by studying and doing practice after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do other activities including sport and voluntary affairs, which are vital to take in about life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by participating in social activity they would be
probably
Consider using a past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
much better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assignment
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this participates in charity affairs, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can encounter with real life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
several hours per day, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these hours are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to extra programs at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as well
.

To conclude
, there are valid reason on both sides of the controversy,
however
, it is my opinion that attention should
be paid
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the sake of giving more free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
far away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and go to their goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the real experience is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish while other would argue that rehabilitation is as primary role. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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